It is good to find that people exercise care in time of crisis. Told that enemy aircraft were on their way to London a dear old lady immediately rushed into her house and bolted the door. *** Owing to a shortage of red paint, several London 'buses are being painted brown. Pedestrians who have only been knocked down by red-painted 'buses will of course now be able to start all over again. *** We think it was in bad taste for Mr. BOTTOMLEY, just after saying that he had seen Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL at the Front, to add, "I have Taken Risks." *** Six little boa-constrictors have been born in the Zoological Gardens. A message has been despatched to Sir ARTHUR YAPP, urging the advisability of his addressing them at an early date. *** To record the effect of meals on the physical condition of children, Leyton Council is erecting weighing machines in the feeding centres. Several altruistic youngsters, we are informed, have gallantly volunteered to demonstrate the effects of over-eating without regard to the consequences. *** An allotment holder in Cambridgeshire has found a sovereign on a potato root. To its credit, however, it must be said that the potato was proceeding in the direction of the Local War Savings Association at the rate of several inches a day. *** We are pleased to say that the Wimbledon gentleman who last week was inadvertently given a pound of sugar in mistake for tea is going on as well as can be expected, though he is still only allowed to see near relations. * * * * * [Illustration: _The Grouser_. "JUST OUR ROTTEN LUCK TO ARRIVE 'ERE ON EARLY-CLOSING DAY."] * * * * * COMMERCIAL CANDOUR. "ANTIQUES.--All Lovers of the Genuine Antiques should not fail to see one of the best-selected Stocks of Genuine Antique Furniture, &c., including Stuart, Charles II., Tudor, Jacobean, Queen Anne, Chippendale, Sheraton, Hepplewhite, Adams, and Georgian periods. FRESH GOODS EVERY DAY." _Provincial Paper_. * * * * * A new German Opera that we look forward to seeing: _Die Gothädummerung_. * * * * * "A man just under military age, with seven children, is ordered to join up."--_Weekly Dispatch_. Such precocious parentage must be discouraged. * * * * * "HELSINGFORS, Sept. 28.--The Governor-General of Finland has ordered seals to be affixed to the doors of the Diet."--_Times_. This seems superfluous. Seals have always been attached to a Fin Diet. * * * * * "A party of the Russians in their natural costumes have come to Portland to ply their trade as metal workers. They make a picturesque group, which a Press writer will try to describe to-morrow morning."--_Portland Daily Press (U.S.A.)_.