"If the public continue to spend the same sum of money on bread at 9d. as they did when it was 1s., it is easy to see that the consumption will rise by a quarter or 25 per cent."--_Glasgow Evening News_. We are always timid about questioning a Scotsman's arithmetic, but we make the increase a third, or 33-1/3 per cent. * * * * * [Illustration: _He (connoisseur of wines)_. "WE STAYED SEVERAL DAYS AT AN INN IN A LITTLE GLOUCESTERSHIRE VILLAGE, AS WE FOUND THEY HAD SUCH AN EXCELLENT CELLAR." _She_. "REALLY! I HAD NO IDEA THE RAIDERS HAD GOT SO FAR WEST AS THAT."] * * * * * CROSS-TALK WITH PETHERTON. Petherton and I have just emerged from another bombardment. Certain correspondence in _The Surbury Gazette and North Herts Courier_ gave me a welcome excuse for firing what I may term a sighting shot. I wrote to my genial neighbour as follows:-- DEAR MR. PETHERTON,--No doubt you have seen the recent letters in the local paper anent the remains of the old Cross, which are at once an ornament to Castle Street, Surbury, and a standing menace to the peace of mind of the local antiquarians. I am exceedingly interested in the matter myself and feel that the views of one who, I am sure, adds a wide knowledge of archæology to the long list of his accomplishments, would be both interesting and instructive to myself and (if you would allow your views to be published) to our little community in general. If therefore you will write and let me know your opinion on the matter I shall take it as a friendly and cousinly (_vide_ certain eighteenth-century documents in the Record Office) act. Yours sincerely, HENRY J. FORDYCE. Petherton replied with a whizz-bang as thus:-- SIR,--I have read the idiotic correspondence to which you refer, and am informed that you are the author of the screed which appeared in last Saturday's issue of the paper. If my informant is correct as to the authorship of the letter I can only say it is a pity that, with apparently no knowledge of the subject, you should venture into print. Anyone enjoying the least acquaintance with the rudiments of English history would be perfectly aware that the remains have no connection with QUEEN ELEANOR whatever. The whereabouts of all the crosses put up to her memory are quite well known to archæologists. Yours faithfully, FREDERICK PETHERTON. I replied with light artillery:-- DEAR PETHERTON,--Yours _re_ the late Mrs. EDWARD PLANTAGENET to hand. Though not a professed archæologist I do know something of the ruin in question, having several times examined it and having heard, perhaps, most, if not all, the various theories concerning it. I have been here a good deal longer than you have, I believe, and cannot think that you know more of the subject than I.