Mr. CHARLES COCHRAN is very anxious that it should be known that not a single bomb hit him. Had any of them done so, the consequences might have been very serious. This happy immunity being his, he wishes it also to be known that his various and meritorious theatres are doing even more astonishing business than before. * * * * * Mr. COCHRAN, however, together with other theatrical managers, has a dangerous rival. The raids are threatening to ruin the matinées now so prevalent by setting up counter attractions. The thousands of people (not only errand-boys) who now stand all day to watch the workmen mend a hole in the roadway caused by a bomb would otherwise, but for this engrossing and never tedious spectacle, be in this theatre or that. * * * * * Mr. HALL CAINE telegraphs from the Isle of Man that no bombs having fallen there he remains intact. * * * * * [Illustration: "GOOD NEWS, LADS; WE'VE GOT A CHANGE FER TEA TO-NIGHT." "WHAT IS IT?" "ROUND BISCUITS INSTEAD O' SQUARE ONES."] * * * * * THE IDEAL LODGER. "Wanted, two Single Rooms, in private or boarding house; special arrangements for constant absence."--_Australian Paper_. * * * * * LETTERS OF A GENERAL TO HIS SON (_ON OBTAINING A JUNIOR STAFF APPOINTMENT_). MY DEAR BOY,--We both congratulate you heartily on your appointment. Acting on your suggestion, I have hinted to your mother that her anxieties for your safety may be considerably lessened in consequence. You will, of course, continue to address letters likely to cause her any apprehension to my club. On entering this new phase of your career you will not take it amiss if I offer you a few words of practical advice:-- 1. Do not neglect your advantages. Always visit the line with a double mission, one for the right of the line and one for the left--and see which they are shelling. 2. If they are strafing all along the line, inspect Transport. 3. Cultivate the detached manner when dealing with all but the very senior. This will give you what is called distinction. Charm will come later. 4. What you don't know, guess. If wrong, guess again. 5. Always put off on to others what you cannot do yourself. 6. What little you do, do well--and see that it gets talked about. Medals are going round, and you may as well have them as anybody else. 7. Belong to a good Mess and invite people who are inclined to criticise. 8. When rung up on a subject of which you know nothing, learn to conduct the conversation so that you abstract the necessary enlightenment from the questioner himself (while appearing to be perfectly conversant with what he is talking about), and, if possible, get him to suggest the answer to his own conundrum. In other words, bluff as in poker (which I trust you don't play).