"Look here, old man," they said kindly, "we know you're all very tired and worried, but just try to _think_ a moment. Never mind dumps now. You can't be making all that noise moving a dump--what?" (Specimen of Divisional joke--very rare.) "Tell us, is the Bosch shelling?" "No. They've stopped." "Good. Then it's all over?" "No. It's still going on." "But you just said that it had stopped." "Yes, it has. But the dump hasn't. It keeps m-moving." "Poor old bird," they said, "his nerve's gone at last. All right," they shouted, "don't you worry. The storeman will look after the dump. You go to bed and have a good sleep." "Have a g-good sleep!" muttered the B.M., "that's just like the Divis--Oh!" and he sat down as a torpedo flopped into his bedroom a few doors away and made a hole of it. Then he sat up. The storeman of the Brigade dump was not two hundred yards away from the active one. The poor fellow was to have gone on leave that night. Presently it occurred to him that, instead of trying to decide who should have the reversion of the storeman's leave, it would be better to go and see if there really was a vacancy. Fifteen boxes of melinite delayed him but a moment. With melinite you know the worst at once; it doesn't hang round like boxes of ammunition, for instance. He called a clerk and together they raced over to the storeman's dug-out. "Jock!" cried the clerk. "Are ye there, Jock?" "Is he quite dead?" said the B.M., making up his mind to use his leave warrant for himself. "No, Sir, he's very deaf, that's why he's a storeman. Jo-ock!!" "Hello!" came from the ground. "Are ye all right, Jock?" "Na. There's an awfu' to-do here." "What's wrong then?" "Ma candle keeps going oot." "Are ye all right, though, Jock?" "Na." "Well, what's up with ye?" "I told ye. Ma candle keeps going oot. What's up yon?" * * * * * When the B.M. got back he found a one-sided war in progress on the telephone. The G.O.C. had heated up the wires to red-heat. "Is that you, Nessel? Where the devil have you been? This noise is still going on. Tell me what it is. No-dam-nonsense-now. Let's have it." "If you want to know and you don't mind the Bosch hearing what I say, Sir, the dump, the French dump, has b-blown itself to b-blazes." "Why the _devil_ couldn't you say so before?" Every dog has his day. With a full and fatuous smile the Brigade-Major picked up a paper and began: "Reference your G. 245/348/24 of the 29th inst. It says that--" Somebody must have taken a bone away from a dog at the other end. He growled horribly. * * * * * [Illustration: _Flapper (shyly)._ "COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT A STAMP STUCK ON AT _THAT_ ANGLE MEANS IN THE LANGUAGE OF POSTAGE-STAMPS?"] * * * * * From an account of the Ministerial crisis in Sweden:-- "Two imperialist minstrels, however, Von Melsted and Lengquist, did quite enough mischief."--_Daily Mail_.