"CHEAPER MATCHES. | FRESH LIGHT ON THE KAISER'S PLOTS." _Daily Mirror._ From the report of a Royal investiture:-- "The first officer to mount the dais was Major ----, who wore the broad-brimmed slouch hat of the Austrian Infantry." _North China Daily News._ A souvenir, of course. * * * * * [Illustration: SUPPLY AND DEMAND.] * * * * * [Illustration: _Mother (to maid, who has offered Marjorie some jam)._ "OH NO, THANK YOU, NOT WITH THE _FIRST_ PIECE." _Marjorie._ "BUT, MUMMY, I HAVE GIVEN UP HAVING A FIRST PIECE NOW--WAR ECONOMY."] * * * * * THE TRENCH CODE. Ah! with what awe, what infantile impatience, We eyed the artifice when issued out, And racked our brains about the Regulations, And tried to think we had them free from doubt! As Rome's old Fathers, reverently leaning In secret cellars o'er the Sibyl's strain, Beyond the fact that several pars Had something vague to do with Mars, Failed, as a rule, to find the smallest meaning, But told the plebs the oracle was plain. So did we study it, ourselves deceiving, In hope to say, "We have no rations here," Or, "Please, Brigade, this regiment wants relieving," And "Thank you for the bombs--but why no beer?" And wondered always, with a hint of presage, Since never word emerged as it was planned, If it was Hermes, Lord of Craft, Compiled the code, or someone daft, So that no mortal could compose a message Which anybody else could understand. Too soon the Staff, to spoil our tiny slumbers, Or, as they said, to certify our skill, Sent us a screed, all signs and magic numbers, And what it signified is mystery still. We flung them back a message yet more mazy To say we weren't unravelling their own, And marked it _urgent_, and designed That it should reach them while they dined. All night they toiled, till half the crowd were crazy And bade us breathe its burthen o'er the 'phone. * * * * * But now they want it back--_and it is missing!_ And shall one patriot heart withhold a throb? For four high officers have been here, hissing, And plainly panicky about their job. I know they think some dark, deluded bandit Has gone and given it to KAISER BILL. But though I'm grieved the General's cross, I have no qualms about the loss-- If clever men like us can't understand it, I don't suppose the Wilhelmstrasse will! A. P. H. * * * * * SPREAD OF THE TEMPERANCE MOVEMENT. "I, J.A.H. De la Bere, of Woolsevy Rectory, Morchard Bishop, Devon, desire to Alter my Surname to De la Fontaine."--_Times._ * * * * * "WANTED "end August in Swiss family (2 persons) living in villa near Lausanne "NURSERY'S MAID