I've always said that the PREMIER shouldn't be bothered with Parliament. Of course I've said too that our old friend Demos, the new god, should have a say in affairs; but that's an inconsistency that doesn't count in the least, does it? Now then, Mr. PREMIER, you've got the chance of your lifetime. I always said you were a lucky devil--in fact, I never met the Welshman that wasn't. You see, Parliament's in recess, and all its trivial overpaid Members are playing golf and things. You've got absolutely a free hand if only you'll take it. It's quite easy and bound to succeed. You've only got to do as I tell you. For instance, you want to buck up HAIG and the people at the Front. It's no use them telling you they know best, being on the spot. That's only bluff, old man. Don't take any notice of them, but just order a big general offensive; and before you can say Jack Robinson we'll have the Huns behind the Rhine. And do tell the Navy to get a move on. I'm glad to see my articles have made you change the heads at the Admiralty; and of course that's all very well so far as it goes. But it doesn't go far enough. _Have a chat with BEATTY about it._ Get him to root the Huns out. He can bombard Ostend and Zeebrugge and all those funny little places in two-twos. Tell KING ALBERT not to mind. We'll easily slap up new towns for him after the War, built on the speedy American principle. Then about that aerial offensive. There's really been quite enough talk about it. We want some action, Mr. PREMIER. Isn't it time it came off? Think what a bombardment of Cologne (taking care of the cathedral, _of course_), Frankfurt, Berlin, Essen and Hamburg would do, not to mention other places that I could if I had an atlas. And about those pacifists. Just clap the whole lot in gaol. That's the best place for them. I won't object in the least, even though I am the apostle of freedom. Then there are lots and lots of other things you might do. You might deliver a reasoned manifesto to the Russian people and buck them up a bit. That won't do anybody any harm, and _it'll be getting on with the War_, my little Welshman. Well, there are a few points for you to go on with. You've got the brains to think of more, otherwise I wouldn't have helped to put you where you are to-day. But remember that if you _don't_ do these things Demos is waiting round the corner for you. Demos is a good dog--a patient animal. But there's an end even to his patience. Growl, Demos, and show you're not afraid of Welshmen! ("Grrr----!" Good dog! Good dog!) Now then, old boy, I've shown you the way. _It's up to you!_ * * * * * Another powerful article on these lines will appear next week. [But not in _Punch_.-ED.] * * * * *