Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, September 12, 1917Various
History
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, September 12, 1917
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
And the War went on.
* * * * *
Jackson went on leave. To his deep disgust he had to wait a few hours in
London on his way to more civilised parts, and fate led him idling to
Brownhill's. He flattened his Celtic nose on the window and stared
fascinated at the array of super-pipes displayed there. After a furtive
glance along the street he crept into the temple. A white-coated priest
met him.
"I--I'm wantin'--a--a pipe," said Jackson. He saw the priest reel and
turn pale to the lips. "I should say a--a Brownhill," he added hastily.
The other man gulped, steadied himself with an effort, and gave a
ghastly smile. If you had walked into a temple at Thibet and planked
down sixpence and asked for an idol wrapped up in brown paper you could
not have done a more dreadful thing than Jackson had done; but the
priest forgave him and produced in silence a trayful of Brownhills. Then
was Jackson like unto ELIA'S little Chinese boy with "the crackling." He
touched a briar and was converted. He stroked them as though they were
kittens, bought ten of them, a pound of polish, fifty silver wind-pipes
and a bale of chamois-leather. The priest took a deep breath.
"You are a full-blooded man, Sir," said he, "if you will excuse me
saying so, and you should smoke in your new Brownhills a mixture which
has a proportion of Latakia to Virginian of one to nineteen--a small
percentage of glycerine and cucumber being added because you have red
hair, and the whole submitted to a pressure of eighteen hundred
foot-pounds to the square millimetre, under violet rays. This will be
known as 'Your Mixture,' Number 56785-6/11, and will be supplied to no
one else on earth, except under penalty of death.
"I will take a ton," said Jackson with glazing eyes.
This was a man after the priest's own heart. He took another deep breath
and dived into the strong-room. He returned under the escort of ten
armed men, each of them chained by the wrist to an iron box, which he
unlocked with difficulty. Inside the iron box was a thing which Jackson
a few months ago would have called a pipe. He knew better now. In awful
silence the priest lifted it from its satin bed. "This," he whispered,
"was once smoked by Brownhill himself."
Jackson put out a hand to take it. The priest hesitated, then laid it
gently on his customer's palm.
And Jackson dropped it.
Jackson has never been heard of since.
* * * * *
THE FAIRIES HAVE NEVER A PENNY TO SPEND.
The fairies have never a penny to spend,
They haven't a thing put by,
But theirs is the dower of bird and of flower,
And theirs are the earth and the sky.
And though you should live in a palace of gold
Or sleep in a dried-up ditch,
You could never be poor as the fairies are,
And never as rich.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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