So on the midnight, with a strong cigar And scented handkerchief, I tiptoed near, But felt the exotic fragrance from afar; I thought of ARTHUR and Sir BEDIVERE: And it seemed best to leave it on the plate, So strode I back and told my curious spouse "I heard the high tide lap along the Eyot, And the wild water at the barge's bows." She said, "O treacherous! O heart of clay! Go back and throw the smelly thing away." Thereat I seized it, and with guilty shoon Stole out indignant to the water's marge; Its eyes like emeralds caught the affronted moon; The stars conspired to make the thing look large; Surely all Chiswick would perceive my shame! I clutched the indecency and whirled it round And flung it from me like a torch in flame, And a great wailing swept across the sound, As though the deep were calling back its kith. I said, "It will go down to Hammersmith. "It will go down beyond the Chelsea flats, And hang with barges under Battersea, Will press past Wapping with decaying cats, And the dead dog shall bear it company; Small bathing boys shall feel its clammy prod, And think some jellyfish has fled the surge; And so 'twill win to where the tribe of cod In its own ooze intones a fitting dirge, And after that some false and impious fish Will likely have it for a breakfast dish." The morning dawned. The tide had stripped the shore; And that foul shape I fancied so remote Lay stark below, just opposite next-door! Who would have said a cod's head could not float? No more my neighbour in his garden sits; My callers now regard the view with groans; For tides may roll and rot the fleshly bits, But what shall mortify those ageless bones? How shall I bear to hear my grandsons say, "Look at the fish that grand-dad threw away"? A.P.H. * * * * * From a South African produce-merchant's letter:-- "As so many of our clients were disappointed last year ... we are taking time by the fetlock and offering you this excellent quality seed now." To be sure of stopping Father Time you must collar low. * * * * * [Illustration: LIBERATORS. VENIZELOS to KERENSKY. "DO NOT DESPAIR. I TOO WENT THROUGH SUFFERING BEFORE ACHIEVING UNITY."] * * * * * WAR-TIME WALKS. _(With apologies to a contemporary for cutting the ground from under its feet, and to our readers for omitting certain names--in deference to the Censor.)_ Owing to the War one must save money and spend as little as possible on fares when rambling for pleasure. The following itinerary will be found quite an inexpensive one, though offering plenty of interest. Take the train to ----. Leave the station by the exit on the south side, and turn to the right under the railway bridge, taking the path by the stream till you come to a bridge which crosses it.