"An' wot about the breakfast?" "Don't you worry, mum," sez I, "I'm willin' to oblige you every single blessed dye, Bar Sundays, when my young man comes; 'e's such a bloomin' toff, 'E takes me up the river, so I takes the 'ole day off." "That's excellent," the lady sez, "I'll easy do the rest, So if you come, Miss Perkins, you will be our honoured guest, For Mr. Vere de Vere an' I do all we can an' more To please the splendid women wot 'ave bin an' won the War." Well, seein' as the lady seemed to 'ave the proper view, I took the situation an' I 'opes as it will do. Of course there may be drawbacks, but you can't get _all_ you wish, For aprons ain't quite overalls an' cookin' ain't munish. It was Polly this, an' Polly that, an' "Ugh! the mutton's red;" But it's "_Won't_ you come, Miss Perkins?" now we're paid to stay in bed; An' it's Polly this, an' Polly that, an' anythink you please; An' Polly ain't a bloomin' fool--you bet that Polly sees! * * * * * "LES BEAUX ESPRITS SE RENCONTRENT." "Persons expressing unpopular views (by which I mean views opposed to such patriots as Horatio Bottomley, Colonel Lowther, and our own hon. and gallant member of Parliament, et hog genus omne)."--_Letter in "The Daily News_." "There have been more pig posts than there have been big men able to fill them.--Mr. Bonar Law."--_Bristol Times and Mirror_. * * * * * From an article on the Zeebrugge exploit:-- "An on-shore wind was needed to carry the fog-screen in advance of the blockships. Absence of fog was essential. A fog would be beneficial. These desiderata postulated a concurrence of favourable conditions, and on April 23 they were not all present."--_Cologne Post_. We gather that the Censor, shortly to be demobilised at home, still maintains his watch on the Rhine. * * * * * CRITICISM IN EXCELSIS. There was a good deal of excitement in the Elysian Fields when the news went round that the Committee had exercised their power of electing a certain distinguished Shade to full membership of the Asphodel Club without a ballot. The general opinion seemed to be that the Committee had acted wisely, and that the election was in every way justified. A few members, however, expressed disapproval, not so much on account of any demerits of his own as of the effect that his election might produce on the sensitive minds of some who were already members.