Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 156, April 16, 1919Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 156, April 16, 1919
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
When Belgium lay beneath your heel
To prove the law that Might is Right,
And Innocence, without appeal,
Must serve your scheme of _Schrecklichkeit_,
"Justice," we said, "abides her day
And she shall set her balance true;
Methods like yours can never pay."
"Can't they?" you cried; "they can--and do!"
And now full circle comes the wheel,
And, prone across the knees of Fate,
You are to hear, without appeal,
The final terms that we dictate;
And, when you whine (the German way)
On presentation of the bill:
"_Ach, Himmel!_ we can never pay,"
"Can't you?" we'll cry; "you can--and will!"
O.S.
* * * * *
THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF PEACE.
I'm not out of the Army yet, but lately I was home on leave. At a time
like that you don't really care about being demobilised just yet.
After all, to earn--or let us say to be paid--several pounds for a
fortnight's luxurious idleness is a far, far better thing than to
receive about the same number of shillings for a like period of
unremitting toil. There you have an indication of the financial
prospects of my civvy career. None the less, to me in Blighty the
future looked as rosy as a robin's breast, and life was immensely
satisfactory. I deemed that I was capable of saying "Ha, ha" among
the captains (though myself only boasting two pips). Then one day, in
the lane that leads to the downs, I met Woggles.
I've known Woggles for years and years. Some time ago she became a
V.A.D. and began to drive an ambulance about France; since when I had
lost sight of her. I greeted her therefore with jubilation.
"Oh, Woggles," I cried, "this is a great occasion. How shall we
celebrate it?"
"Well, if you like I'll go back again on to the top with you and show
you the Weald. But I'd much rather you came home to tea. I _could_
make some 'Dog's Delight'--s'posing you haven't outgrown such simple
tastes."
"Oh, if you put it like that," I said cheerfully.
Well, it was a bitter sort of afternoon and growing late. The
annoyance of Bogie (an enthusiastic puppy) at missing his walk might
appropriately be solaced with portions of "Dog's Delight." It's a
large home-made bun thing which used to delight me as well as Bogie's
mother in days gone by.
"I ought to warn you," said Woggles as we walked across the fields,
"that Mother and Dad are out to-day. I expect your dog'll have to take
acting rank as chaperon."
"By the way," I said, "you don't know each other, do you?" I called
Bogie, who was giving a vivid imitation of a cavalry screen protecting
our advance, and made him sit up and pretend to be begging. "Now
fix your eyes on the kind lady," I commanded. "Woggles--Bogie:
Bogie--Woggles. Two very nice people." Bogie barked, put out his
tongue and let the wind blow his left ear inside out. Woggles laughed
in that excellent way she has.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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