"Ach!" said Boris, grinding his teeth; "you mock our patriotism. You are an Englishman." "I don't," I replied. "And I'm not. I'm French. We came over in 1066. You ask my aunt at Tunbridge Wells. But the villainous English propagandists taught me English, and the Scotch gave me a taste for whisky, and--" But Boris had faded away. * * * * * ALARMING: SPREAD OF CANNIBALISM. "AUSTRALIANS IN FRANCE. "THIRD OF GERMAN ARMY EATEN." _Queensland Paper_. "THOROUGHLY Experienced Cook. Capable cooking large family."--_Ceylon Paper_. "WANTED, Smart Young Man or Woman, for frying."--_Provincial Paper_. * * * * * [Illustration: _Born Grumbler_. "FOR OVER FOUR YEARS I'VE BATTLED FURIOUSLY AGAINST A 'ARD AN' BITTER FOE. AN' 'ERE I AM CONSTRUCTIN' A WOODEN' 'ORSE FOR THE CAPTIN'S SON."] * * * * * TO A YOUNG SUB. _(By a late one.)_ Sublime young Sir, so nuttily complacent, So airy-poised upon thy rubbered feet, The cynosure, no doubt, of all adjacent Regard along that hit of Regent Street, My thanks. In rather less than half a twinkling Thy lofty air and high Olympian gaze Have taught me that of which I had no inkling Throughout my swashing military days. I too (_et ego in Arcadia vixi_)-- I too have strolled like that in London town, Demanding homage from the very bricks I Pressed with my shoes of scintillating brown; But never till I tried the fair corrective Of seeing khaki from a civvy suit Could I envisage in its true perspective That common circumstance, a Second-Loot. * * * * * NOT DEAD YET. "The Hungarian Soviet Government has adopted a non-posthumous attitude."--_Globe_. * * * * * [Illustration: _Host (to visitor just arrived)._ "GET YOUR OVERCOAT OFF QUICKLY, MAN; THEN HE'LL THINK YOU BELONG TO THE HOUSE!"] * * * * * THE PASSING OF GREEK. A great thanksgiving meeting (postponed till "Summer-time" on account of the shortage of artificial heat) was held at the Albert Hall last Saturday to celebrate the dethronement of Greek at Oxford. Mr. H.G. WELLS presided, and there was a numerous attendance.