We are but worms, we husbands; yet 'tis said, When the sad worm lies broken and at bay, There comes a moment when the thing sees red, And one such moment has occurred to-day; "Look at this hat," I said, "this old top-hat; I will not wear another one like that. "This is the hat I purchased in the High, Still crude and young and ignorant of sin; I wooed you in this hat--I don't know why; This is the hat that I was married in; In it I walked on Sunday through the parks, And even then the people made remarks. "Now it is dead--the last of all its line-- Nothing like this shall mar the poet's Peace; What have the nations fought for, wet and fine, If not that ancient tyrannies should cease? What use the Crowns of Europe coming croppers If we are still to be the slaves of 'toppers'? "It speaks to me of many an ancient sore-- Of calls and cards and Sunday afternoon; Of hideous wanderings from door to door And choking necks and patent-leather shoon; 'The War is won,' as Mr. ASQUITH said, And all these evils are or should be dead. "It moves me not that other men with wives Have fall'n already in the old abyss, Have let their women ruin all their lives And ordered new atrocities like this. President WILSON will have missed success If other men determine how I dress. "Yonder there hangs the helmet of a Hun, And I will hang this horror at its side; Twin symbols of an epoch which is done, These shall remind our children----" My wife sighed, "You'll have to get another one, I fear;" And all I said was, "Very well, my dear." A.P.H. * * * * * COMMERCIAL CANDOUR. Notice in a cobbler's window:-- "Will customers please bring their own paper for repairs?" * * * * * "Miss Carnegie wore a gown of white satin and point appliqué lace, with a lace veil falling from a light brown coiffeur almost to the end of the train."--_Daily Mirror_. It doesn't say whether the light-brown coiffeur was a page or the best man. * * * * * From an account of the British sailors' reception in Paris:-- "Sous les clamations de la foule, les marins gagnent par les Champs-Elysées, la rue Royale et le boulevard Malesherbes, le Lycée Carnot, où M. Breakfast les attend."--_French Local Paper_. Hospitality personified! * * * * * AT THE PLAY. "BUSINESS BEFORE PLEASURE."