How like the talk at Babel's Tower This interchange of tedious chat! War can be made in half-an-hour And why should Peace take more than that? All this procrastination, worst of crimes, Annoys the Paris Politician of _The Times_. Had _he_ been summoned to construct New Heavens and a brand-new Earth, To cope with Cosmos and conduct The business of its second birth, He would have finished months and months ago; Why, the Creation only took a week or so! He (while the Moving Spirit wired Instructions from the South of France) Would have dispatched, like one inspired, A thousand details at a glance, Built corridors for Poland while you wait, And at a single sitting fixed the Bolshies' fate. No _seance_ of the secret sort, Had barred the Truth with bolts and keys; The Press, encouraged to report. _Verbatim_ his soliloquies, Would have exposed to all men near and wide, (The Hun included) what was going on inside. Is it too late to start again? At this eleventh hour depose A Council whose united brain Apparently is comatose? Replace the Big Four with a Monstrous One, And hand the whole show over to _The Times_ to run? O.S. * * * * * TO-DAY IN THE FOOD GARDEN. PEAS.--Have you planted your early peas yet? If not you should do so at once. Select a piece of well-tilled ground running North and South. To find the North go out at twelve o'clock and stand facing the direction you think the sun would be in if it were visible. Turn smartly about bringing up the left foot on the word "Two." If you guessed right the first time you will now be facing North. Without taking your eye off it, drill your peas into the ground in columns of fours. Don't forget to soak them in prussic acid or any simple poison (this is done more easily before they are sown) to prevent them being eaten by mice. A less effective precaution is to sit up all night near the vegetable garden and miaow. Here is a good recipe for cooking peas. Shell the peas. Take a piece of butter as big as a nut, two ducklings, six ounces sage and onions and three drops of mushroom catsup. Roast together briskly for twenty minutes. Boil the peas for fifteen minutes. Serve together. ONIONS.--The big, gentle onions seen in the shops can only be brought to maturity on very warm sandy soil. Most of them come from Portugal. How the natives can bear to part with them is a mystery. The small high-powered onions, on the other hand, are easily cultivated. The best varieties are Eau de Jazz, Cook's Revenge, Sutton's Saucepan Corroder and Soho Violet. Sow in rows and beat the soil flat with the back of a spade. Your neighbour's spade is as good as any other for this purpose. Goats are said to be very fond of onion tops, but many people hesitate to keep both.