_Excited Duellist._ "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" _Nervous Opponent._ "I'M PUTTING MAGIC DROPS ON MY SWORD, WHICH WILL MAKE IT IRRESISTIBLE." _Excited Duellist._ "BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR TO ME." _Nervous Opponent (relieved)._ "ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN HAVE SOME AND WE'LL CALL IT A DRAW."] * * * * * A VALENTINE. Dear Lydia, long before your time, When I was half the 'teen you own to, Don Valentine was in his prime, The world not yet the thing it's grown to. The postman then with double knocks This morning many a heart was thrilling, And brought a shining cardboard box With round red hearts in paper frilling. A simpler world, and well content With what seems small by modern measure; And winters came and roses went, Yet Time dulls pain as well as pleasure. Though, with this fashion out of date, His hand to-day weighs almost lightly If this my war-time chocolate Makes two dark eyes to shine more brightly. * * * * * HINTS FOR THE GARDEN. To those who are about to re-establish their herbaceous borders it will come as a welcome surprise that restrictions as to the sale of the following foodstuffs by nurserymen have now been withdrawn:-- Stucky's _Germania_ (Lamb's Ear). _Scolopendrium_ (Hart's Tongue). No coupons will be required for these in future. _Fatsia Horrida._--This is no longer grown by nurserymen, but can be obtained at any butcher's, large quantities having recently arrived from Greece. Smith minor, possibly a prejudiced witness, says he gets it at school; that it is beastly and only another name for Cod Liver Oil. _Sambucus_ (the Elder).--A correspondent inquires if anything is known of the younger branch of this family. On being appealed to the Secretary of the Linnaean Society sent the following somewhat enigmatic telegram: "Recommend CLEMENCEAU non-Papa, who may know something of Uncle Sam." _Hydrangea._--This hardy shrub is so called as it was originally raised by the Ranger of Hyde Park. The American variety "radiata" succeeds well indoors if grown on hot-water pipes. _Pirus._--There are several varieties of this species. The best known, however, comes from Cornwall and was raised by the late Sir W.S. GILBERT, who introduced the Savoy cabbage. It is called the _Pirus of Penzance_. * * * * * DANCING DEMOBILISED. [It is said that demobilised officers, anxious to dance, are finding it almost impossible to buy dress-shirts and evening pumps.] Now that I've been demobilised I'm going again to dances-- I do not care with whom or where, I'm taking any chances. And evening dress, I've been advised, Will never become transitional; Yet once or twice I've been surprised To find my khaki pals disguised In new dress suits and old trench boots, Which scarcely seems traditional.