Patron of hearts and darts and smarts (Which, I suspect, you stole From Cupid, when the Pagan arts-- Which only edified in parts-- Took on an aureole), And patron of the robins, who Select your day to mate (An act, from any point of view, Considering what March can do, Rash and precipitate), We seek no boon for any friend (Or lover, if you like); We only ask that you will send, If saintly powers so far extend, On day without its strike. * * * * * THE DRUG HABIT--ALARMING DEVELOPMENT. "The old-fashioned doctor is scandalised at the trade union movement in the profession. In extreme cases he is said to be taking his own medicines."--_Provincial Paper_. * * * * * Extract from _The London Customs Bill of Entry_, January 25th:-- "Import, s. @ Rotterdam, of Holland, 175 bdls baskets containing 700 strikes." We always suspected they were of foreign origin; and here we have "manifest" proof. * * * * * From a report of Col. F.B. MILDMAY'S speech:-- "Just as an accomplished horseman exercised ideal control over the strongest horse with the lightest hand, so Mr. Lowther had shown such tactful skill in handling them that those who had sat under him had bus-consciously been disposed to accept his guidance." _Provincial Paper_. A praiseworthy effort of the printer to keep up the metaphor. * * * * * [Illustration: THE VICTIM.] * * * * * THE PATRIOT PIG. Last Spring I was discussing food with our local doctor. Last Spring it was quite a favourite topic. "Now," I said, "we can manage to scratch along somehow. But next year..." The Doctor, a hearty man, gave me a smashing blow on the shoulder. "I have it!" he trumpeted. "We'll start a Patriot Pig Club." Before he left I found myself an important pillar of the scheme. Pillars, you know, are the parts of an edifice that bear the weight. Their function is to be sat upon by the arches. In this case the arches were Jones the doctor and Perkins the butcher. The Committee began sitting. I put five pounds into the preliminary pool and promised them all my pig-swill. I know I did, because the Doctor came straight from the meeting to my house to tell me I had, and to collect the cheque. The pigs arrived. I myself and a number of other enthusiasts turned out to welcome them. The Doctor, I remember, made a happy little speech, and we all laughed a lot. The Committee were very pleased with themselves. They _were_ dear little chaps--the pigs, I mean--very small, of course, but that gave me the opening for what was undoubtedly the most successful sally of the afternoon. Someone said they weighed five pounds apiece. "One pound per pound," I remarked.