PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 156. February 19, 1919. CHARIVARIA. The report that demobilisation will be completed by March 31st is now officially denied. There would appear to be something in the rumour that the Demobilisation Staff have expressed the hope of dying in harness. *** It is stated that Woolwich Arsenal is preparing to manufacture ice-cream freezers. People are wondering if it was the weather that gave them this happy thought. *** The German ex-Crown Prince is so determined that the Allies shall not place him on trial that he now threatens to commit suicide or die in the attempt. *** "There are things we want to get rid of," says "BACK BENCHER" in _The Daily Mail_. The rumour that Sir FREDERICK BANBURY, M.P., has already demanded an apology is unconfirmed. *** Soldier-golfers, says a sporting writer, are already urging the introduction of fresh features into the game. A new method of addressing the ball, introduced from Mesopotamia, is said to be most efficacious. *** With reference to the North of England man who has decided not to strike, we now learn that he happens to be out of work just at present. *** ISAAC DENBIGH, of Chicago, is, we are told, one-hundred-and-thirteen years of age. He must try again. We expect better things than this from America. *** Statesmen, says Sir WILLIAM ORPEN, A.R.A., are poor sitters. The impulse to rush out and cackle has probably something to do with it. *** It is said that a soldier in the Lancashire Fusiliers decided, on being demobilised, to accept a standard civilian suit instead of the usual gratuity. The Sergeant-Major in charge of the case lies in a critical condition. *** Sand-gleaners at Ramsgate are making money from bags of sugar washed ashore. This answers the oft-propounded question, "How do grocers spend their week-ends?" *** Another hold-up by American soldiers has occurred in Liverpool. In view of the magnitude of our debt to the United States it is felt that this method of collecting it in instalments is bound to prove unsatisfactory. *** "Humour and love," says a contemporary, "are what will pay the average writer best at the moment." It is not known whether Labour or the Peace Conference has done most to send up the price of these luxuries. *** Officials of the Waiters' Union are perturbed over the rumour that restaurant _habitués_ are preparing to strike in favour of a fifty per cent. reduction in tips. *** Several of our leading magistrates declare that unless some High Court judge asks, "What is beer?" they will be compelled to do it themselves. *** A St. Bernard dog belonging to a New York hotel-keeper perished after swallowing a bundle of dollar notes. It is said that the deceased died worth sixty-five pounds. ***