"That's what it means," said the senior partner. "It's Kismet right enough, and there ain't no gettin' away from it." "And we might add," said Kippy, with a touch of inspiration--"we might add, 'Late Contractors to His Majesty's Goverment.'" * * * * * [Illustration: "HOW WAS IT YOU NEVER LET YOUR MOTHER KNOW YOU'D WON THE V.C.?" "IT WASNA MA TURRN TAE WRITE."] * * * * * "Wanted, by middle-aged Lady, position of trust, Housekeeper, Companion, widower, lady, priest."--_Irish Paper_. We suppose it is all right, but a hasty reader might well take it for another sex problem. * * * * * THE TWO VISITS, 1888, 1919. ("_DISPERSAL AREAS, 10A, 10B, 10C--CRYSTAL PALACE._") It was, I think, in '88 That Luck or Providence or Fate Assumed the more material state Of Aunt (or Great-Aunt) Alice, And took (the weather being fine And Bill, the eldest, only nine) Three of us by the Brighton line To see the Crystal Palace. Observe us, then, an eager four Advancing on the Western Door Or possibly the Northern, or-- Well, anyhow, advancing; Aunt Alice bending from the hips, And Bill in little runs and trips, And John with frequent hops and skips, While I was fairly dancing. Aunt Alice pays; the turnstile clicks, And with the happy crowds we mix To gaze upon--well, I was six, Say, getting on for seven; And, looking back on it to-day, The memories have passed away-- I find that I can only say (Roughly) to gaze on heaven. Heaven it was which came to pass Within those magic walls of glass (Though William, like a silly ass, Had lost my bag of bull's-eyes). The wonders of that wonder-hall! The--all the things I can't recall, And, dominating over all, The statues, more than full-size. Adam and Niobe were there, DISRAELI much the worse for wear, Samson before he'd cut his hair, Lord BYRON and Apollo; A female group surrounded by A camel (though I don't know why)-- And all of them were ten feet high And all, I think, were hollow. These gods looked down on us and smiled To see how utterly a child By simple things may be beguiled To happiness and laughter; It warmed their kindly hearts to see The joy of Bill and John and me From ten to lunch, from lunch to tea, From tea to six or after. That evening, when the day was dead, They tucked a babe of six in bed, Arranged the pillows for his head, And saw the lights were shaded; Too sleepy for the Good-night kiss His only conscious thought was this: "No man shall ever taste the bliss That I this blesséd day did." When one is six one cannot tell; And John, who at the Palace fell A victim to the Blondin Belle, Is wedded to another; And I, my intimates allow, Have lost the taste for bull's-eyes now, And baldness decorates the brow Of Bill, our elder brother.