"Or, conversely," said Mobbles, "those who are available to stay and those who are eligible to go." "Exactly," said the Adjutant; "but which?" "The other," said the Adjutant's child. "Now, if he was only in the same boat as Y, the position would be different. Y is here because, though eligible for release, he is available for retention." "The problem appeared quite simple at first," said the Adjutant, "but now you've made it all muddy." "It is simply this," said Mobbles; "is he eligible for retention or merely available for release? If the former, is he available for demobilisation, and if the latter, is he eligible for retention? No; what I mean is just this--Is he here or is he--No; I'll start again. Is he retained, and if not why not?" "Exactly," said the Adjutant's child. "Is he under' thirty-seven, and if so why was he born in 1874, or, to put it quite clearly--" "Shut up," said the Adjutant. "I want to get it clear before you confuse me again. We'll start afresh. X is eligible to go because he joined the Army before 1916. On the other hand, being under thirty-seven, he must stay." "That must, I think, be wrong," said Mobbles. "Quite," said the Adjutant's child. "Well, then, put it in another way," said the Adjutant. "X can't be demobilised because there is no reason for his going, and he can't stay because there is no authority for retaining him. In other words, to put it quite clearly, as he is being retained he can't go, and as he is being demobilised he isn't to be retained. Do I make myself clear?" "Quite," said the Adjutant's child. Mobbles was beyond speech and busily engaged in working it out on paper in decimals. There was, a knock at the door; a signaller brought a wire, "Report immediately position of Second-Lieut. X." There was a moment's silence as the Adjutant grasped a message-pad and thought deeply what to say. He wrote a few lines and then looked up. "This is what I have said: 'Second-Lieut. X staying if retained, but available to go if eligible; also eligible for retention if available.' Am I clear?" "Quite," said the Adjutant's child. * * * * * [Illustration: ENGLAND EXPECTS. {WITH MR. PUNCH'S BEST HOPES FOR THE SUCCESS OF THE NATIONAL INDUSTRIAL CONFERENCE.} BOTH LIONS (_together_). "UNACCUSTOMED AS I AM TO LIE DOWN WITH ANYTHING BUT A LAMB, STILL, FOR THE PUBLIC GOOD...."] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. _Monday, February 17th_.--On the motion for the rejection of the Bill to relieve Ministers from the necessity of re-election, Mr. PEMBERTON-BILLING incidentally revealed the horrifying fact that he has compiled another Black Book, containing a full list of the PRIME MINISTER'S election pledges. They do not quite come up to the notorious figure of 47,000; but they total 1,211, which seems enough to go on with, and they are all "cross-referenced."