Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this file which includes the original illustrations. See 10964-h.htm or 10964-h.zip: (http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/1/0/9/6/10964/10964-h/10964-h.htm) or (http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/1/0/9/6/10964/10964-h.zip) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 156. JANUARY 1, 1919. TO AN UNKNOWN COLLEAGUE. _(Inspired by the exchange of Minutes in Government Departments.)_ He was my friend--if friendship's proof Be sympathy profound and sweet; Eight months we toiled beneath one roof, Yet somehow never chanced to meet. So near and yet so far! I own We may have passed upon the stair; Yet, if we did, we passed unknown; No tremor told me he was there. He knew not it was I. Alas! With such community of souls That he and I should blindly pass And live as sundered as the poles! For I, when darkness sealed my eyes, Would place my judgment in his hands, Would ask him humbly to advise And yield myself to his commands; Just hinting what my view might be (If asked) on this or that affair, But never in undue degree And with a deprecating air. And he, thus modestly addressed, Would wield an amicable pen And say he thought my view was best In full nine cases out of ten. And so in deep harmonious flood Our friendship flowed, and proved, I think, Though water be less dense than blood, Yet blood is far less dense than ink. * * * * * And now, when things are somewhat slow, My leisure moments I beguile By reading o'er with heart aglow A certain old and dusty file-- One out of hundreds, kept to prove A truth the world may oft forget, That there can live pure trust and love 'Twixt persons who have never met. Oh, sweet the trill of mating larks! But sweeter, sweeter, I aver, That soft appeal--"For your remarks," That gentle answer--"We concur." * * * * * CHARIVARIA. A Fellow of the Royal Society states that, as a result of radium activity, the end of the world, which had been estimated to arrive in a few thousand years, may be postponed for a million aeons. It is hoped that this will allay the anxiety of those soldiers who were nervous about their chances of being demobilized. *** It is reported that when asked his impression of President WILSON Mr. BALFOUR remarked, "Gee! He's the top shout and the main squeeze. And then some." *** "How much water," asks a technical journal, "does it take to make a gallon of Government ale?" We do not profess to be expert, but we should say about a gallon. *** There is no truth in the rumour that TROTSKY has written to President WILSON offering to execute the Peace Conference at any time within the next three months at half the usual rates. ***