"DEAR L----" (it ran),--"Yes, the rabbits have had their food. The biggest of them swallowed it all most satisfactorily. "Your loving ELLIS." * * * * * [Illustration: "AND I SUPPOSE YOU WILL BE DEMOBILISED AS SOON AS YOU GET OUT OF HOSPITAL?" "OH, NO, MUM. YOU SEE, I WAS A SOLDIER IN CIVVY LIFE."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Hostess_. "WHAT! GOING ALREADY, DEARS? IT'S VERY EARLY." _Little Girl_. "YES--WE HAVE TO GO ON TO ANOTHER PARTY. WE'RE SORRY, BUT--YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR."] * * * * * SHAKSPEARE on not the least surprising of Mr. LLOYD GEORGE'S appointments:-- "How now, Woolsack? what mutter you?" _I. Henry IV._, ii. 4, 148. * * * * * ANOTHER HEATHEN CHINEE. We were discussing "slim" practices and the prevalence of the basic desire to get something for nothing. "If honesty," said one of the company, "is truly the best policy, then there is a surfeit of the worst politician." "Yes," said another, "and not only in the West. I assure you, speaking as the director of an insurance concern in Shanghai, that you have no monopoly in inventive chicanery. Insurance people must always be on their guard, but never more so than among the guileless Celestials. I can give you a case in point. Not long ago we received a visit from the wife of one of our policy-holders, saying that her husband was dead and claiming the money. "'Certainly,' we said, 'the payment will be made, but only after the usual investigations,' and sent her back to her village. It is not that we were more suspicious of her than of anyone else, but such formalities are essential. In this case they turned out to be peculiarly necessary, for her husband was no more dead than you are. "When she got back to him and explained that there is always 'a catch somewhere' in the insurance business, he took alarm. A prosecution might be awkward, and at any cost must be evaded. He therefore played a masterly card by writing the company a personal letter of explanation, which he pretended was despatched before his wife's return. The original is in Chinese, but I have an English translation in my pocket-book." The pursuit of odd examples of the epistolary art being one of the principal occupations of my life, I secured a copy of the document, which in English runs thus:-- "_To the ---- Insurance Company_, _Shanghai_. "DEAR SIR,--When I died of a disease that came on suddenly an intelligent doctor was at once asked for. He forced some fluid into my mouth and made some injection on my body. He thus succeeded in bringing me to life again. "The beneficiary came to your place yesterday. What did she say? Everything will be discussed after her return. "Kindly give me your valuable assistance and reply by post. "Yours faithfully, TSIN KOH." * * * * * JOSHUA.