There to ease his cranial distension He will lead the simple life, incog., Far from international dissension Or upheavals of the under-dog; Leaving all unread his weekly _Hansard_, Studying only novels at his meals, Leaving correspondence all unanswered, Deaf to FOCH'S passionate appeals. There, no longer rashly overtasking Powers impaired by superhuman strain, But amid exotic foliage basking, He will rest his monumental brain, Till refreshed, dæmonic and defiant, Clad in dazzling amaranthine sheen, He emerges like a godlike giant Once again to dominate the scene. There, recumbent in a chair with rockers, Oft will he indulge in forty winks, Or, attired in well-cut knickerbockers, Decorate the landscape on the links; Or, with arms upon his bosom folded, He will stand as motionless as bronze, While his features, classically moulded, Hourly grow more like NAPOLEON'S. What the Conference will do without him Hardly can we venture to surmise; Delegates who would not dare to flout him Manifest their joy without disguise. Freed from his relentless catechizing WILSON goes out golfing all the day; Printers, save for common advertising, Sadly put their pica type away. Still, although this act of self-seclusion May create irreparable schism, Whelm the Conference in dire confusion And produce a cosmic cataclysm; Let us, musing on his past achievement, Bear with calm our soul-consuming grief And condole in their supreme bereavement With his Staff, deserted by their Chief. * * * * * "COWS, PIGS, ETC. "GIRL (15), leaving school, desires position in nice office or bank."--_Local Paper_. Much virtue in "etc." * * * * * "Mrs. Wilson waved her bouquet of orchards in salutation."--_Local Paper._ So there is every reason to believe that the PRESIDENT'S visit was not fruitless. * * * * * "No one under 4ft. 9in. has any chance of securing admission to the London police."--_Cork Constitution_. This will be a blow to some of our "bantams." * * * * * "Whether the rest of the journey be long or short, he would follow the same paths and continue to stand up for righteousness and liberty for the memocracy of this country."--_Scotsman_. Is this another name for the woman's vote? * * * * * "The Telegraph Department notify that the delay in ordinary traffic to Madras is now normal."--_Indian Paper_. In confirmation of the accuracy of the above statement an Indian correspondent writes that telegrams now reach their destination nearly as soon as letters. * * * * * [Illustration: WAR-TIME COMRADESHIP.