"The seventh day off South Stack Light the sun began to shine; Up come an Admiralty tug and offered us a line; The mate he took the megaphone and leaned across the rail, And this or something like it was the answer to her hail: He'd take it very kindly if they'd tell us where we were, And he hoped the War was going well, he'd got a brother there, And he'd thought about their offer and he thanked them kindly too, But since we'd brought her up so far, by God we'd see it through.... "Bringin' home the _Rio Grande_ (and we done it too), Courses split and mainmast sprung--half a watch for crew-- Bringin' home the _Rio Grande_ and her freight as well, Half-a-score of steamboatmen cursing her like hell-- Her as led the grain fleet home back in ninety-eight, Ninety days to Carrick Roads from the Golden Gate-- Half-a-score of steamboatmen to steer and reef and haul, Bringin' home the _Rio Grande_--ship and freight and all." C.F.S. * * * * * HELPFUL HOME HINTS (_WITH ACKNOWLEDGMENTS TO THE WEEKLY PAPERS_). To keep moth from a haggis, sprinkle well with prussic acid or cayenne pepper. Repeat three times daily. (This method has never been known to fail.) An excellent germicide for wire-worm can be made with two parts carbolic acid and three parts castor-oil. Rub over the wire-worm with a soft rag and polish with a clean duster. To remove dust from whiskers, soak whiskers in paraffin or petrol for half-an-hour and singe gently with lighted taper. To clean a carpet, take a small wet tea-leaf and roll it well over the carpet. Then remove the tea-leaf and store in a dry place. Take the carpet to the cleaners and you will be surprised at the result. An excellent trousers press can be made in the following manner: Get the local monumental mason to supply you with two slabs of granite measuring about six feet by two feet and weighing about seven hundredweight each. Place the trousers on top of one block of granite, place the other block on top of the trousers and secure with a couple of book-straps. Finish off with blue ribbon.--AUNT SADIE. * * * * * "America appealed to Ireland for help, and even sent a special Ambassador--the great Abraham Lincoln--to this country to state America's case before the Irish Parliament in the year 1771."--_Dublin Evening Mail_. American papers please copy. * * * * * "The ---- Chamber of Commerce have certainly made a capture in securing the services of Bragadier-General ----, District Director of the Ministry of Labour, for an address on 'Demobilisation and the Activities of the Appointments Department of the left eye, and after treatment was taken the Portsea Island Gas Company offices."--_Provincial Paper_. We had heard there was some trouble over demobilisation, but had no idea it was as bad as this.