The rumour that there was a vacant house in the Midlands last week has now been officially denied. *** With reference to the Market Bosworth woman who, though perfectly healthy, has remained in bed for three years, until removed last week by the police, it now appears that she told the officers that she had no idea it was so late. *** "What can be done to make village life more amusing?" asks _The Daily Mirror_. We are sorry to find our contemporary so ignorant of country life. Have they not yet heard of Rural District Councils? *** An Oxted butcher having found a wedding ring in one of the internal organs of a cow, it is supposed that the animal must have been leading a double life. *** "In order to live long," says Dr. EARLE, "live simply." Another good piece of advice would be: "Simply live." *** A Streatham man who has been missing from his home since November, 1913, has just written from Kentucky. This disposes of the theory that he might have been mislaid in a Tube rush. *** "Distrust of lawyers," Mr. Justice ATKIN told the boys of Friars School recently, "is largely caused by ignorance of the law." Trust in them, on the other hand, is entirely due to ignorance of the cost. *** Giving evidence at Marylebone against a mysterious foreigner charged with using a forged identity book, the police said they did not know the real name and address of the man. The Bench decided to obviate the difficulty in the matter of the address. *** In a Liverpool bankruptcy case last week the debtor stated that he had lost six hundred pounds in one day rabbit-coursing. The Receiver pointed out that he could have almost bought a new set of rabbits for that. * * * * * [Illustration: THE PICTURE OF THE YEAR. PROBABLE EFFECT AT THIS YEAR'S ACADEMY EXHIBITION OF THE ELECTION OF SIR ASTON WEBB, THE FAMOUS ARCHITECT, TO THE PRESIDENCY.] * * * * * From a list of wedding presents:-- "Case of sauce ladies from Mr. W. ----."--_Provincial Paper_. No doubt he was glad to be rid of them. * * * * * "The ---- National Kitchen has had to close down.... The great majority of the patrons were Army Pap Corps." Who presumably required only liquid refreshment. * * * * * "The German Government has protested to Russia against the 'criminal interference' of olsheviks in the internal affairs of Germany."--_Daily Mail_. Much correspondence will now doubtless take place, as it seems evident that the Bolsheviks have sent their initial letter in reply. * * * * * GETTING OUT. "If you belong to any of the following classes," said the Demobilisation advertisement, "do nothing." So Lieut. William Smith did nothing. After doing nothing for some weeks he met a friend who said, "Hallo, aren't you out yet?"