Let meaner souls make merry O'er cups of ruby wine, With claret, port or sherry Their tunes incarnadine; Let little boys emphatic Become o'er ginger b. Myself I grow ecstatic About a drink called "Tea." Tea elevates one's pecker, Rejuvenates the mind, Enriches the exchequer, Yet never makes men "blind"; When footsore and effete I'm From every ache set free, And not alone at tea-time I thank the Lord for "Tea." It tells of balmy breezes That blow "o'er Ceylon's isle" (While HEBER mostly pleases His accent here is vile)-- Of some far-flung plantation Where Hindus bend the knee; And would my occupation Were prefixed (ah!) by "Tea"! 'Tis told in classic fable The nectar served to Zeus At his Olympic table Was just a vinous juice; That such is purely fiction I heartily agree, Having the sound conviction 'Twas nothing less than "Tea." * * * * * "PARIS, SATURDAY. The Conference will be held in the imposing Salle de la Grande Horloge. The 'hall of the great clock' is about 30in. long by 15in. wide."--_Liverpool Echo_. "Imposing," indeed. * * * * * "Manchester's £6,000,000 scheme for obtaining water supplies from Haweswater was approved last night at a meeting of ratepayers in the Town Hall. The annual increased consumption of water had been a little over a million gallons per head per day."--_Daily Dispatch_. The new slogan of the temperance enthusiasts--What Manchester drinks to-day England will drink to-morrow. * * * * * [Illustration: _Visitor_. "BUT THOSE ATTACKS OF MALARIA DON'T LAST LONG, DO THEY?" _Tommy_. "MINE ISN'T ORDINARY MALARIA. THE DOCTOR CALLS IT 'MALINGERING MALARIA.'"] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (_BY MR. PUNCH'S STAFF OF LEARNED CLERKS._)