"Me too!" broke in Frederick. "Well, that's easily explained," said the lady, addressing Percival. "After you had kindly escorted me here I suddenly remembered that I had left my keys at the Customs House. Feeling confident of finding my way about I returned for them. On emerging I was claimed by your fascinating friend who is at this moment engaged in winding up his monocle [Frederick guiltily stowed it away in his fob pocket]. He seemed so delighted at having discovered me that I hadn't the heart to explain that I'd been found before. Of course I'm excessively grateful to both of you--Oh, here's dear old Teddy at last!" During the scene of rapturous greeting that followed Frederick showed that he indeed had his moments of inspiration. "What about a vanilla ice at the Pâtisserie Delarue, old bean?" said he to Percival. And, unnoticed by the happy couple, they stole silently away. * * * * * [Illustration: _Lady who has been handed the card of wife of new baronet-profiteer)._ "ER--LET ME SEE. DO I KNOW LADY HOGGINS?" _Butler_. "YOUR LADYSHIP HAS NOT RECEIVED HER SINCE THE CREATION."] * * * * * "Surplus Government Property for sale:--Brass Islets."--_Disposal Board "Surplus" Magazine_. But why is the geographical position of this alluring archipelago not given? Is it for enemy reasons? * * * * * [Illustration: FORCE OF HABIT--THE SCRUM HALF.] * * * * * THE NEED OF OUR TIMES. ["The modern world is badly in need of a Pindar. Alone of the poets, Pindar could do justice to the exploits of the day."--_The Times._] "We're badly in need of a Pindar" To fan in these tropical days Our stock of emotional tinder With gusts of tempestuous praise; To foster the flame, not to check it Or let it die suddenly down, In honour of HAWKER and BECKETT, Of ALCOCK and BROWN. We do not require a CATULLUS (We've MASEFIELD and WAUGH and SASSOON) Nor pastoral pipers to lull us To rest with a sedative tune; But the worship of beer and of Bacchus In verses familiar and free Might win for a latter-day FLACCUS A Knighthood (B.E.). Bland VIRGIL'S beyond resurrection; The voice of the moment is harsh; The nightingale's golden perfection Offends the young ravens of MARSH; ARISTOPHANES, grossly facetious, Is but a "compulsory" god, And HOMER as well as LUCRETIUS Too frequently nod. There's scope for the truculent passion Of JUVENAL'S masculine muse To flagellate folly and fashion In dress and in manners and views; But we've plenty of prophets and poets; We've few who are sober and sane; We don't want another DE BLOWITZ; We want a DELANE. * * * * * "BETTER BEER ON THE HORIZON." _Daily Express_. A beer in the hand is worth ten on the horizon. * * * * *