Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 156, March 12, 1919 — John Shaqi
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 156, March 12, 1919Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 156, March 12, 1919
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
There are two things to which he cannot quite accustom himself: not
being allowed to fraternize with the inhabitants and the realisation
that his laboriously acquired knowledge of the French language is no
longer of any avail. He will never quite get over the former of these
two disabilities, but he is coping courageously with the latter.
For instance, in place of the "No bon" of yesterday, "Nix goot" now
explains that "Your saucepan I borrowed has a hole in it; please, I
didn't do it." For the rest, change of environment makes very little
difference to him. Given a cooker, a water-cart and the necessary
rations, a British oasis will appear and be prepared to flourish in
any old desert you like.
No, I am wrong. There is another difficulty which as yet he has not
been able entirely to overcome. I cannot describe the consternation
which came over the Company when I informed them that there was no
longer any need to scrounge; in fact, I forbade it. At first they
thought it was just a Company Commander's humour and paid it the usual
compliments of the parade; but when they found I was serious they were
simply appalled. It was as if I had taken the very spice out of their
existence. Not to be able to go out and "win" a handful of fuel for
the evening's fug and for the brewing of those unwholesome messes in
the tin canteen? Bolshevism itself could not have propounded a more
revolutionary principle. Heartbroken some of the old soldiers came
to me afterwards. "What are we to do, Sir?" they said. "We only go
on guard four hours in sixteen; we must do something the rest of the
time." Sternly I bade them think of scrounging as a thing of the
past--a thing of glorious memory only to be spoken of round the fires
at home. If they wanted anything in the meantime to add to their
material comfort they were to come to me for it.
For let me tell you, all you demobilised wallahs who know only those
countries where the necessities of life were matters of private
enterprise--let me tell you that in this village, if I say that I
require coal, _coal is here_, and with it the Bürgermeister inquiring
politely if my needs are satisfied. We must have beds? The spare beds
of the village are forthcoming. If we want baths for the men, our
Mr. Carfax, who speaks a language which the inhabitants pretend to
understand, goes round to the householders and explains the necessity.
Should there be any difficulty he explains further that it would be
_much_ better, don't they think, and _much_ more convenient if the
men visited the houses, rather than that baths should be carried to
some central place? It is invariably found to be preferable for all
concerned.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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