"A hospital nurse interrupted evidence given in Portuguese at Thames Police Court on Saturday."--_Provincial Paper._ Very rude of her. * * * * * "An experimental air service for Army mails only was begun a few days ago between Folkestone and Boulogne, with intermediate points in Belgium, said Mr. Illingworth, Postmaster-General."--_Daily Chronicle._ "We are a long way yet from the mastery of the air. Out of fifteen days the Prime Minister's Paris postbag, which it had been arranged should be sent 'via aloft,' had to go by the old land and water route in fourteen days."--_Daily Mirror_. Even that, we suppose, was quicker than to send it by the circuitous air-route _viâ_ Belgium. * * * * * "Section-Commander ----, who has had charge of the ---- Special Constabulary since their inception, has been presented by the members with a Sheraton clock at a wind-up dinner."--_Local Paper_. It was, of course, the clock that had the wind up, not the Section-Commander. * * * * * "FOREIGN DIPLOMATS TAKE TO PRESIDENT. His Ability in Dealing with Them Exceeds the Most Sanguinary Expectations."--_New York Times_. We shall have to revise our conception of Mr. WILSON as a man of peace. * * * * * [Illustration: _Rearguard Officer of Demobilization (collecting stragglers on route-march)._ "WHAT THE DOOCE ARE YOU?" Straggler._ "I'M WOT T' MULES BROKE AWAY FROM."_] * * * * * THE PATRIOT'S REWARD. Narcissus, in that fateful hour When Britain's belt was tightly buckled Against the prowling U-boat's power, Thou earnest to us newly suckled; And oh! if interest ties the knot That binds us to our fellow-creatures, Be sure we loved thee on the spot, My pigling with the pensive features. No niggard hand it was that found Thy punctual fare, nor short the measure Of garbage brought from miles around And meal that cost its weight in treasure; But ever as the U-boat u'd And lunch grew relatively lighter We filled thee up with wholesome food And watched thy tensile skin grow tighter. Artless as is the wanton faun And agile as the Hooluck gibbon, The children "walked" thee on the lawn, Tied with a bow of orange ribbon; And aye as irksomer grew the task Of fending off the Hun garotters In our mind's eye--if you must ask-- We ate thee up from tail to trotters. But Fate, as oft, declined to pour Our cup of grief till it was quite full; You scarce had turned your seventh score When straightway Fritz became less frightful; And argosies came home to port As safe as though some inland lake on, Laden from keel to groaning thwart With tender ham and toothsome bacon.