PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 156. March 5, 1919. CHARIVARIA. "What is whisky?" asks an evening paper headline. Our memory is not what is was, but we have certainly seen the name somewhere. *** "Bitter," says the _Kölnische Zeitung_, "is the taste of defeat." A reference, presumably, to the thirty thousand tons of American bacon sold to Germany by the Allies. *** "The Octopus," said the Lord Mayor of DUBLIN in his inaugural address, "is showing its fangs." Meanwhile Cardinal GIBBONS is busy twisting the Lion's tentacles. *** The owner of a mule found wandering at Walton-on-Thames is being advertised for. "Trooper," writing from Mesopotamia, says that if it had a portion of khaki breeching and a stirrup in its mouth it is probably the brute which slipped out of his hands about six months ago. *** With regard to the man who was seen struggling in the river last week, the report that his house was immediately taken by a passer-by is untrue. The man who pushed him in had got there first. *** So much controversy has been caused by DE VALERA'S escape from prison that there is some idea of getting him to go back and do it again. *** It is reported that just before his escape DE VALERA had been greatly affected by the account of some labour strike. He is supposed to have come out in sympathy. *** There are now, it is announced, thirty-six prices at which bottled beer may be sold. It is only fair to our readers to state that the price it used to be is not included in the thirty-six. *** A Servant Girls' Trade Union has been formed. So far there is no suggestion of interfering with the mistresses' evening out. *** Mr. Punch has already called attention to the statement that is costs the nation a guinea every time a question is asked in Parliament. The only difference between Westminster and the haunts of the General Practitioner is that in the latter case (1) you pay out of your own pocket, and (2) your tongue is protruded instead of being kept in the cheek. *** Burglars are very superstitious, says a press-gossip. For example the appearance of a policeman while a burglar is drilling a safe is considered distinctly unlucky. * * * * * [Illustration: "NO, MADAM. _NINE GUINEAS_--NOT NINE-AND-NINEPENCE."] * * * * * "The pores of the ordinary individual," says a, weekly paper, "would reach nearly forty miles if placed end to end." We hope that nothing of the kind will be attempted, as the traffic difficulties are bad enough already. *** A Thames bargee is reported to have sworn at a policeman for eleven minutes without stopping. We understand that there is talk of having the oration set to music. *** Considerable damage has been caused in the Isle of Wight by rats. A description of the offenders has been furnished to the police. ***