_C.(sitting solidly down again)._ Ah, yes, but this is different. What I want is not so much a country-house in the ordinary meaning of the term as a farm-house, but without possessing a farm. Just enough buildings and meadow-land to breed a few shorthorns and a yearling or two. The house must be comfortable, you know, roomy, but not anything pretentious. _[Gets up again_. _Our Mr.P._ I quite understand. That's just what I've given you. _C. (again seating himself)._ The whole scheme may be foolishness. My wife says it is. But _(here I believe I groaned audibly; at any rate all the other clerks looked up)_ there it is. When a man has enough to retire on and pay the piper he's entitled to call the tune; isn't he? _[At this point I resist the temptation to take him by the shoulders and push him out_. _Our Mr. P_. Quite, quite. Well, Sir, if you take my advice you'11 go to Newbury as quickly as you can. It's a first-rate place--most highly recommended. _[Here the client very deliberately puts the three "orders to view" in his inside pocket and slowly buttons his coat. I flutter on tiptoe, eager for his chair._ _C_. If these won't do you'11 find me some more? _Our Mr. P_. With pleasure. _C_. Very well; good morning. _[Moves away. I have just begun to speak when he returns._ _C_. Don't forget what I want it for. And not too far from London or my wife will dislike it. _Our Mr. P_. Yes, you told me that. I've got a note of it here. _C_. And you won't forget about the acreage? _Our Mr. P_. No." _C.(addressing me)._ I'm afraid I've kept you waiting. _I (like the craven liar I am)._ It's all right. _[Client ultimately withdraws, but still with reluctance, and after two or three hesitations and half-turns back_. And the tragic part of it is that his name is Legion. That is why if I had a boy I should teach him the art of leaving. Almost nothing else matters. * * * * * OFFICIAL EUPHEMISM. DR. ADDISON has stated that for some time past it has been the practice riot to use the word "pauper" in official documents when it was possible to use another expression; and no well-conditioned person will cavil at the spirit which has prompted the use of a less invidious substitute. But surely the process might be carried a good deal further. The practice of giving a dog a bad name is not only condemned by the proverbial philosophy of the ancients but by the most emancipated of the orthopsychical educationists of to-day. If you keep on calling a man a "criminal," you will end by making him one. How much wiser it would be to refer to the impulses which occasionally bring him into conflict with the custodians of law and order as emanating from a dynamic individualism! In that way you may very possibly convert him into a static individualist and sterilize his potential malignance by a subliminal _serum._.