According to a Sunday paper a husband recently stated that a former lodger ran away with his wife. She was a German, and nobody can understand why they ran. *** An anarchist arrested in Holland with a bomb in his possession explained that it was for the ex-Kaiser. We have since been informed that the retired monarch denies that he ever placed such an order with the gentleman. *** A well-known golf club has recently engaged a totally deaf caddy. The idea is to induce more clergymen to join the club. *** As no joke about the Isle of Wight Railway has appeared in any comic paper for at least a month, it is supposed that either a new engine has been bought or that the old one has been thoroughly overhauled. *** A picture post-card sent off in 1910 has just arrived at its destination. It is presumed that one of the sorters who originally handled it is breaking up his collection. *** It will take ten years, says a Post Office official, to replace the present telephone system with automatic exchanges. Persons who have already registered calls are urged not to make too much of this slight additional delay. *** Every one, says the Secretary of the National Federation of Fish Friers, wants the trade to be a respectable one. On the other hand it is just that smack which it has of Oriental debauchery that makes it appeal so strongly to the idle rich. *** Salmon taken from some parts of the Tyne are alleged to smell of petrol and taste like tar. Otherwise they are quite all right. *** An American doctor states that British people sleep too much. No blame, however, attaches to America. After all, she invented the gramophone. *** "The end of the dog," says a contemporary, "is in sight." Then it can't be a dachshund. * * * * * [Illustration: PROTECT OUR PROTECTORS. BARBED WIRE-MESH OVERALLS DESIGNED TO PREVENT THE POLICE FROM STRIKING AS A PROTEST AGAINST HAVING TO INTERN UNMUZZLED DOGS.] * * * * * "Unionist Agent wanted ... Liberal salary offered."--_Times_. Just the job for a Coalitionist. * * * * * "One must, however, remember that the Turk--and hurl upon him what execrations you may--is still the [text upside down: gentleman of the Near] East."--_Weekly Paper_. He may be the "gentleman of the Near East," but that has not saved him from being turned down. * * * * * THE COUNTER-ORDER OF THE BATH.