Biffin nudged me, "He's forgotten me," he whispered. Parsons continued to subject him to an implacable scrutiny. At length he spoke again. "As to your question, Mr. Biffin, which I have had no earlier opportunity of answering, I may say that what you were pleased to allude to as my whiskers--a colloquialism I do not myself employ--are entirely impervious to and unaffected by any climatic variations whatsoever. Your rooms, Sir, are on Staircase B." * * * * * TRUE HOSPITALITY. "Lecture by Rev. W. ----. 'The Dragon, The Beast and The False Prophet.' All welcome."--_Scotsman_. * * * * * "Scotch reels, corner dances, and waltzes were favourites at the Masons' ball on Tuesday evening. Dancers fought shy of the fog-trot which has proved so popular at other dances."--_Scots Paper_. Perhaps they were afraid of missing their steps in the dark. * * * * * "Detroit to-day completed its first year as the world's largest 'dry' city. The city has prospered during the past year both financially and industrially. Murders, suicides, embezzlements, assaults, robberies and drunkenness were reduced by half."--_Daily Mail_. The record of drunkenness seems still rather high for a teetotal city. * * * * * [Illustration: A CAUTIOUS DICTATOR. PRESIDENT WILSON (_dictating a message to the American Nation_). "AT LAST WE MAY FAIRLY SAY THAT THE DOVE OF PEACE HAS SIGHTED DRY LAND." (_Pauses_). "ONE MOMENT--I'M NOT QUITE SURE THEY'LL LIKE THAT WORD 'DRY.'" [The New York _World_ asserts that President WILSON has promised to set aside the Prohibition Law if he finds that popular opinion is opposed to it.]] * * * * * [Illustration: MR. WILL JONES, M.C., D.C.M., AND MR. RONALD MONTMORENCY (TOTAL EXEMPTION 1917--WORK OF NATIONAL IMPORTANCE) AS THEY APPEAR IN THE LEADING PARTS OF THE MELODRAMA "IN HIS COUNTRY'S NEED." Reading from left to right: MR. MONTMORENCY, MR. JONES.] * * * * * SAFETY FIRST. The fact being now established to the satisfaction of the authorities that the public is composed almost exclusively of drivelling idiots, a campaign has been instituted for adding to the decorations of London by placarding the walls with hints on how to avoid various violent deaths. We are surrounded now by blood-curdling photographs of people being run over by omnibuses or dribbled along the street by horses attached to brewers' drays, these illustrations being accompanied by explanatory notes as to the inevitable result of crossing roads with your eyes shut or your fingers in your ears and endeavouring to alight from moving omnibuses by means of the back somersault or the swallow dive. We are also implored to make quite sure, before alighting from a train, that it is really at a station.