The rumour that Mr. BALFOUR, on his retirement from the post of Foreign Secretary, will take up the arduous duties of caddie-master at St. Andrew's is not yet fully confirmed. Meanwhile he is known to be considering the alternative offer of the secretaryship to the Handel Society. In this context it is interesting to hear that, according to a Rotterdam agency, Sir EDWARD ELGAR has just completed a series of pieces for the mouth-organ, dedicated to Sir LEO CHIOZZA MONEY, which will, it is hoped, be shortly heard in the luncheon interval at the Coal Commission. * * * * * [Illustration: "EXCUSE ME, OFFICER, BUT HAVE YOU SEEN ANY PICKPOCKETS ABOUT HERE WITH A HANDKERCHIEF MARKED 'SUSAN'?"] * * * * * A SPORTING CHANCE. DEAR ALEC,--Jolly glad to hear you're coming home. I beat you after all, though. I suppose I was looking particularly pivotal when I saw the D.O., because he let me through at once. Will you go back to the Governor's office? Yours ever, GARRY NORTON. DEAR GARRY,--Haven't the faintest; but before settling down I'm going to have a week or two, either sailing or fishing, so as to try to shed the army feeling, and I think you'd better come with me. I've saved no end of shekels, and I'm going to give old Cox a run for his money (the bit that's mine, I mean, that he's been keeping for me). If you can find a likely craft, mop her up for me, old bean, and we'll have a hairy time somewhere on the S.W. coast. Yours in haste, ALEC RIDLEY. DEAR ALEC,--I wish you'd be less vague. What sort of a boat do you want--schooner, yawl, cutter or spoonbill? A half-decker, or the full five quires to the ream? Give me definite instructions and I'll do my best to carry them out. I'm afraid I can't get off, so you'll have to take someone else, or incarnadine the seas by yourself. Yours as ever, GARRY. DEAR GARRY,--Sorry to hear you can't come. Any kind of a boat that will go without bouncing too high will do, and if it has a rudder, a couple of starboard tacks, bath and butler's pantry so much the better. I mean to wash out the memory of those nine months at Basra last year with the flies. Yours, ALEC. DEAR ALEC,--What you want, my lad, is a houseboat, and I doubt whether you'll get one during this shortage of residential property. I should try fishing if I were you. In fact I have taken a bit of water for you in Chamshire. I haven't seen it, but am told it's very all right and only twenty pounds till the 10th of June. Yours ever, GARRY NORTON. DEAR GARRY,--This is a top-hole place. To have got this water for so little you 're absolutely the Senior Wangler.