"I never realised before how awfully interesting paper-making could be," said Margaret gratefully. "Write and order me a good supply of Chelsea Cream Wove, will you, dear? Oh, and some other kind for yourself, to write your stories on. Don't forget." "Very well; Chelsea Cream Wove for you. And what shall I have?" Margaret's mouth twitched a little. "Foolscap, I think, dear," she said. * * * * * [Illustration: _Sandy (viewing doctor's bill)._ "BUT THE BILL IS NO RICHT, SIR. YE'VE CHARGED ME FOR SEVEN DAYS INSTEAD O' SIX. DINNA YE MIND I WAS DELEERIOUS ONE DAY AN' WAS NOT AWEER OF YOUR PRESENCE?"] * * * * * ANALGESIA. (_With Mr. Punch's best wishes for the speedy recovery of the French PRESIDENT._) ["President Deschanel ... was compelled to take several analgesia cachets. (Analgesia is a condition in which there is incapacity of feeling pain)."]--_Evening Paper._ When, haply through excess of cake, In childhood's days of fun and frolic, I suffered from that local ache Known to the Faculty as colic; Or if across the foam I fared And was (invariably) sea-sick, How much distress had I been spared Just by a simple analgesic. In the Headmaster's awesome den, His cane poised o'er me palely bending, A lozenge deftly swallowed then Had eased the smart of its descending. Thus might I have indulged in "rags," Immune from every sore corrective, Nor need I then have stuffed my bags With notebooks, often ineffective. Henceforth, in any sort of fuss-- Life's little incidental dramas, As when one boards a motor-bus Or leaps from trains in one's pyjamas-- I'll take a tabloid. DESCHANEL! So much to me your agile feat meant; _L'exemple presidentiel_ Lends quite a _cachet_ to the treatment. * * * * * "59 ACCIDENTS IN 5 YEARS. PROPOSED ROAD WIDENING TO INCLUDE CEMETERY CORNER." _Evening Paper._ The only alternative would appear to be to enlarge the cemetery. * * * * * [Illustration: "SO YOU ABSENTED YOURSELF WITHOUT LEAVE, AND WENT TO EPSOM. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY?" "THAT IT WAS WORTH IT, SIR, EVEN IF IT DO MEAN THE LOSS OF MY PENSION."] * * * * * AN ERROR OF JUDGMENT AT EPSOM. I am not attending the Derby this year. Nor was it my original intention to go last year, but since my beneficent employers, unasked, offered me a day off, Selina insisted we ought to go. It was a national institution, a sight everyone should see once in a lifetime, and so forth. I protested it was an extravagance; that to be married was really more than we could afford, let alone race-meetings. But Selina was firm. She would pay, if necessary, out of the house-keeping money. Besides it need cost nothing. We might win enough money to cover our expenses.