[Illustration: _Enthusiastic Lady (at Musical At Home)_. "DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT THIS TUNE IS OUT OF, DOCTOR? USED TO BE ALL THE RAGE WHEN WE WERE IN OUR 'TEENS. TUM--TUM--TUM--TUM--TUM--TUM--TUM--TUM?" _Eminent Dyspepsia Specialist_. "THE WORDS ARE FAMILIAR."] * * * * * THE SECOND TIME OF ASKING. (_The advancing price of rice has occupied much space in the papers of late._) Maud, when you turned me down (a year to-morrow), Bidding me rise from off my suppliant knee, And, while regretful if you caused me sorrow, Murmured, "Sebastian, it can never be," I did not lay aside my fond ambition; I told myself, in spite of what occurred, "This is her lunch or three o'clock edition, And not her final word." I merely marvelled at your eccentricity, Feeling convinced amid my blank amaze That, though you might "absent you from felicity Awhile," 'twas but a temporary phase; Convinced the mood impelling you to stifle The aspirations that I'd dared outline Was simply due to some extraneous trifle, Not any flaw of mine. A chill or toothache might have vexed you greatly; Perhaps you had a corn inclined to shoot, Or possibly the sugar shortage lately Had proved itself abnormally acute; In short, I felt that, though unkindly treated, A happier time to me would surely come, When my request (impassioned) would be greeted With no down-pointing thumb. Maud, it occurs to me you shunned a marriage Because that function, otherwise "quite nice," Involved the facing of a friendly "barrage" Mainly composed of valedictory rice, Stinging the cheek and nestling in the clothing; If that was so, I share the feeling, sweet; For rice in puddings I've no special loathing, But I detest it neat. If such your reason was, there 's no material Objection to our union to-day; No risk remains of that offensive cereal Being employed in such a reckless way; You can say "Yes" without one apprehensive Thought that your brother is, a deadly shot; Rice as a missile now is too expensive. Anything doing--what? * * * * * "According to a Paris report, an Anglo-British force of 50,000 are on their way to occupy Constantinople."--_Daily Paper_. It is, no doubt, the peculiar composition of this force that has aroused the apprehensions of French chauvinists. * * * * * "Denikin's troops are fleeing partly in steamers, partly along the coast, leaving a large booby." _"Planters and Commercial Gazette" (Mauritius)._ "A Bolshevist wireless says the Reds captured Tagonrog, Denikin's former headquarters, taking a huge booby."--_Same Paper_. The booby prize has apparently been awarded to the Reds, but we feel that our contemporary might have put in a claim. * * * * *