We understand that Mr. Justice DARLING'S weekly denial of the reports of his retirement will in future be issued on Tuesdays, instead of Wednesdays, as hitherto. *** When hit by a bullet a tiger roars until dead, says a weekly paper, but a tigress dies quietly. Nervous people who suffer from headaches should therefore only shoot tigresses. *** Two out of ten houses being built at Guildford are now complete. Builders in other parts of the country are asking who gave the word "Go." *** "Marvellous to relate," says a Sunday paper, "a horse has just died at Ingatestone at the age of thirty-six." Surely it is more marvellous that it did not die before. *** It is said that the Paris Peace Conference cost two million pounds. The latest suggestion is that, before the next war starts, tenders for a Peace Conference shall be asked for and the lowest estimate accepted. *** A Walsall carter has summoned a fellow-worker because during a quarrel he stepped on his face. It was not so much that he had stepped on his face, we understand, as the fact that he had loitered about on it. *** A painful mistake is reported from North London. It appears that a young lady who went to a fancy-dress ball as "The Silent Wife" was awarded the first prize for her clever impersonation of a telephone girl. *** We are glad to learn that the thoughtless tradesman who, in spite of the notice, "Please ring the bell," deliberately knocked at the front-door of a wooden house, has now had to pay the full cost of rebuilding. *** After reading in her morning paper that bumping races were held recently at Cambridge, a dear old lady expressed sorrow that the disgraceful scenes witnessed in many dance-rooms in London had spread to one of our older universities. *** Tyrolese hats have reappeared in London after an interval of nearly five years. We understand that the yodel waistcoat will also be heard this spring. *** A Welshman was fined fifteen pounds last week for fishing for salmon with a lamp. Defendant's plea, that he was merely investigating the scientific question of whether salmon yawn in their sleep, was not accepted. * * * * * [Illustration: "WELL, ANYHOW, NO ONE COULD TELL THAT THIS WAS ONCE A BRITISH WARM."] * * * * * MORE BOAT-RACE "INTELLIGENCE." "The Oxford crew had a hard training for an hour and a-half under the direction of Mr. Harcourt Gold, who is to catch them at Putney."--_Evening Paper_. But will they catch Cambridge at Barnes? "The Cambridge people have elected to use a scull with a tubular shank or 'loom.' "Oxford are using these sculls, too."--_Evening Paper_. We have a silly old-fashioned preference for the use of oars in this competition. * * * * * "On St. David's Day, Welshmen wear a leak in their hats."--_Provincial Paper_.