Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Sandra Brown and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 158. March 24, 1920. CHARIVARIA. "Nobody knows," says a Berlin message, "how near the KAPP counter-revolution came to being a success." A kind word from Commander KENWORTHY, it is believed, would have made all the difference. *** It is reported that Miss ISOBEL ELSOM, the cinema star, tried to get knocked down by a taxi-cab for the purposes of a film, but failed. We can only suppose that the driver must have been new to his job. *** A vicar has written to the Press complaining indignantly of a London firm's offer to supply sermons at five shillings each. We are not surprised. Five shillings is a lot of money to give for a sermon. *** The Llangollen Golf Club has decided to allow Sunday golf. In extenuation it is pointed out that the Welsh for "stymied" does not constitute a breach of the Sabbath, as is the case with the Scots equivalent. *** At Caterham a robin has built its nest in a bully beef tin. These are the little things that give the Disposals Board a bad name. *** A North of Ireland man who has just died at the age of 107 boasted that he had never had a bath. This should silence the faddists who pretend that they can hardly wait till Saturday night. *** The ruins of Whitby Abbey, it is announced, are to be presented by their owner to the nation. On the other hand, the report that Mr. LLOYD GEORGE intends to present the ruins of the Liberal Party to Manchester City is not confirmed. *** The latest information is that the recent German revolution had to be abandoned owing to the weather. *** From a weekly paper article we gather that the trousers-crease will be in its accustomed frontal position this year. It is unfortunate that this announcement should have clashed with the attempted restoration of the Monarchy in Berlin. *** Hot Cross Buns will probably cost threepence this year. An economical plan is for the householder to make his own hot cross and then get the local confectioner to fit a bun to it. *** "There will be no whisky in Scotland in the year 1925," says a Prohibitionist speaker. He did not say whether there will be any Scotsmen. *** No arrangement has yet been made for the carrying on of the Food Ministry, though it is said that one food profiteer has offered to buy the place as a memento. *** "All the great men are dead," states a London newspaper. This sly dig at Mr. CHURCHILL'S robust health is surely in bad taste. *** We are glad to hear that the strap-hanger who was summoned by a fellow-passenger on the Underground Railway for refusing to remove his foot from off the plaintiff's toes has now been acquitted by the jury. It appears that he was able to prove that he was not in a position to do so as his was not the top foot of the heap. ***