* * * * * [Illustration: _Profiteer_ (_to M.F.H._). "LOOK 'ERE!--THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I'VE BEEN OUT WITH YOUR CROWD, AN' Y' 'AVEN'T CAUGHT A FOX. BEST THING _YOU_ CAN DO IS TO GIMME BACK ME 'SUB' AN' SELL YER BLOOMIN' DOGS!"] * * * * * [ILLUSTRATION: _BLUSTEROUS PERSON_ (_WHO HAS FORCED A CIGAR ON UNWILLING CLUB ACQUAINTANCE_), "THERE MY BOY--YOU DON'T OFTEN SMOKE A THING LIKE THAT! THAT'S SOMETHING LIKE A CIGAR, EH?" _The Victim_. "YES--SOMETHING. WHAT IS IT?"] * * * * * THE TRUE SONG-STUFF. [A writer in an evening paper describes a certain song as being sung, "sometimes with a lump in the throat and a tear in the eye," all over England.] If you wish to succeed as a writer Of songs that undoubtedly count, By making the atmosphere brighter, The moral barometer mount, Then be it your aim and endeavour to try For the lump in the throat and the tear in the eye. SCRIABINE and STRAVINSKY may flatter The ears of the brainy _elite_, But the musical numbers that matter Express what is simple and sweet; You may easily miss, by aspiring too high, Both the lump in the throat and the tear in the eye. Though cynics conspire to repress it, To sentiment, "heavenly link" (As the Bard of Savoy would address it), With joy "I eternally drink;" For it gives us the key, which no science can buy, To the lump in the throat and the tear in the eye. But, if you are anti-Victorian And, scorning the coo of the dove, Hold the roar of the primitive Saurian The final expression of love, You may have, if you choose, an alternative shy At a tear in the throat and a lump in the eye. * * * * * "For 70 years Regent Street has basked in sunshine, and now it is to be cast into shadow again. It will be like a gloomy canon between dour stone walls."--_Daily Chronicle_. We have heard of a gloomy Dean, whose habitat answers to the description given. Can this be his understudy? * * * * * "The 'brasses' worn by the modern cart-horse are a direct survival of the amulets which bedecked the horses of the time of Julius Caesar. They are worn on the farthingale as charms against the Evil Eye."--_Daily Paper_. You should see our Clydesdale in her crinoline. * * * * * [Illustration: AN UNPOPULAR REVIVAL. FRITZ. "THIS IS NO GOOD TO ME NOW. YOU WANT A SWELLED HEAD FOR THIS SORT OF THING."] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.