Then I released him with a final warning against putting any faith at all in Gran'slam, the Abyssinian Assistant Foreign Secretary, and as we parted I said gratefully, "It has been a pleasure to talk to such a sympathetic listener." I don't think T.-T. really believes even now in the Swarthy Peril, but the counter-irritant has done its work. * * * * * ANOTHER GARDEN OF ALLAH. [The Metropolitan Water Board announces an advance in the Water Rate.] I cannot fill the bounteous cup Munificently as of yore Because the water's going up (It didn't at Lodore); No longer now can I regale The canine stranger with a pail Drawn from my cistern's store. Let Samuel the sunflower die, Let Gerald the geranium fade, And all the other plants that I Have hitherto displayed; The virgin grass within my plot May call for water--I will not Preserve a single blade. Henceforth let Claude the cactus dress My garden beds, who bravely grows Without a frequent S.O.S. To water-can and hose. I've cast these weapons to the void And permanently unemployed Is Hildebrand the hose. Within the house by words and deeds I've run an Anti-Waste Campaign; On every tap the legend reads: "Teetotalers, abstain!" While on each bath and tub of mine I've drawn freehand a PLIMSOLL line, Impressionist but plain. When upward mount my chops and cheese I fain must bend beneath the blow; I have to pay the price for these Whether I will or no. But here at least, by dint of thought, I feel that I can bring to naught The rise in H_2O. You'll find that I shall keep in check The gross expense of water when Domestic _nettoyage a sec_ Rules my ancestral den. I, unlike Nature, don't abhor A "vacuum"--to clean the floor: In fact I've ordered ten. * * * * * "At Bremen ... the crowd seized the stalls in the market, and sold the goods at prices between 100 and 200 per cent. lower than the prices demanded."--_Provincial Paper._ The correspondent who sends us the above cutting demands similar reductions in English markets in order that he may live within his income of _minus_ two pounds a week. * * * * * [Illustration: =INCORRIGIBLES.= "EXCUSE ME, SIR--I'M DOWN HERE FOR A REST CURE, AND NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK AT A NEWSPAPER. PERHAPS YOU WOULDN'T MIND TELLING ME WHAT KAFFIRS STOOD AT YESTERDAY?" "SORRY I CAN'T OBLIGE YOU. I'VE SWORN OFF NEWSPAPERS MYSELF. THIS IS _THE SHRIMPTON COURIER_ FOR FEBRUARY 12 THAT MY LANDLADY WRAPPED MY SANDWICHES IN."] * * * * * THE BEGINNER. Six months ago Maurice Gillstone's flat was the home of unrest. Maurice was one of those authors who tire of their creations before completion. He would get an idea, begin to write and then turn to some other theme.