_Peggy._ "OH, THAT WILL DO SPLENDIDLY. IT'S A VERY OLD GOAT."] * * * * * THE FAIR. Look up, my child, the sirens whoop Shrill invitations to the Fair, The yellow swing-boats soar and swoop, The Gavioli organs blare; Bull-throated show-men, bracken-brown, Compete to shout each other down. Behold the booths of gingerbread, Of nougat and of peppermints, The stall of toys where overhead Balloons of gay translucent tints Float on the breeze and drift and sway; Fruit of a fairy vine are they. Within this green fantastic grot Bright-coloured balls are danced and spun On jets ("'Ere, lovey, 'ave a shot"); A gipsy lady tends a gun, A very rose of gipsy girls, With earrings glinting in her curls. Will marvels cease? This humble booth Enshrines a dame of royal birth, Princess Badrubidure, forsooth, The fattest princess on the earth; Come, we will stand where kings have stood, And you shall pinch her if you're good. The brasses gleam, the mirrors flash, How splendid is the Round-About! The organ brays, the cymbals clash, The spotted horses bound about Their whirling platform, full of beans, And country girls ride by like queens. Professor Battling Bendigo (Ex ten-stone champion of the West) Parades the stage before his show And swells his biceps and his chest; "Is England's manhood dead and gone?" He asks; "Won't no one take me on?" A big drum booms, revolvers crack; Who is this hero that appears, A velvet tunic on his back, His whiskers curling round his ears? 'Tis he who drew the jungle's sting, Diabolo, the Lion King. Within are birds beyond belief And creatures colourful and quaint: Lean dingoes weighed with secret grief And monkey humourists who ain't; Bears, camels, pards--Look up, my dear, The wonders of the world are here! PATLANDER. * * * * * "CELLS BELOW ZERO FOR T.B. PATIENTS. Ink in Nurses' Pens Froze when Taking Men's Temperature."--_Canadian Paper._ Personally, we prefer having ours taken with a thermometer. * * * * * "OFFENCES UNDER THE LIGHTING ORDERS. --At Thursday's petty session Emile ---- was paid L1 for having no near side light on his motor car."--_Local Paper._ But ought foreign offenders to be favoured in this way? * * * * * "Richmond camp is a scene of bustling activity from sunrise to reveille, or 'Taps' as the Americans term it."--_Evening Paper._ And after that the boy scouts would appear to have had a nice long day to themselves. * * * * * [Illustration: IF WINSTON SET THE FASHION-- PREMIER (_entering Cabinet Council Room_). "WHAT--NOBODY HERE?" BUTLER. "YOU FORGET, SIR. THIS IS PRESS DAY. THE GENTLEMEN ARE ALL FINISHING THEIR NEWSPAPER ARTICLES."] * * * * *