"Hello!" she said; "I hope you had a good day at the office?" "Thanks," I said; "pretty rotten." "I've had a lovely day," she said; "I picked up such a nice young man in the high road. He's taking me out to-night. He's just going to ring up for seats." Without a word I went to the telephone. * * * * * =The Right Order of Things at Last.= "A Gentleman would be pleased to Recommend his Butler in whose service he has been three years."--_Daily Paper._ * * * * * "TO AMERICANS IN LONDON.--The ----, Cornwall, offers you comfortable home while on this side; far away from the madding crown."--_Daily Paper._ Republican prejudices respected. * * * * * There was a hard-swearing old sailor Whose speech might have startled a jailer; But he frankly avowed That the charabanc crowd Would not be allowed on a whaler. * * * * * =THE PATIENTS' LIBRARY.= Though a West-End physician of repute, he must, I think, have had a course of American training, if rapidity of action be any indication thereof. Scarcely had the maid ushered me into his study and I had taken a seat than he came forward brusquely, looked at me with the glowering eye of the _Second Murderer_, grasped a large piece of me in the region of the fourth rib and barked, "You're too fat." Having been carefully bred I refrained from retaliation. I did not tell him that his legs were out of drawing and that he had a frightfully vicious nose. But before I had time to explain my business he had started on a series of explosive directions: "Eat proper food. Plenty of open air. Exercise morning, noon and night and in between. Use the Muldow system. You need a tonic." He turned to his table and was, I suppose, about to draw a cheque for me on the local chemist's when I decided to say my little piece. "Excuse me, Sir," said I mildly, "I am not a patient." The combination fountain-pen and thermometer almost fell from his hand. "I am," said I, "the sole proprietor and sole representative of the Physicians' Supply Association. I gave your maid my card. I have called with a thrilling offer of magazines for your waiting-room." "What dates?" said he, a gleam of interest in his dark eye. "All pre-war," said I proudly; "none of them are later than 1900 and some go back to 1880." "Not B.C.?" said he, with a look in which hope and disbelief were mingled. "No," said I. "All are A.D.; but they include two Reports of Missions to Deep Sea Fishermen in 1885--very rare. I'm sure they would match splendidly the Proceedings of the Royal Commission on Aniline Dyes which you have in the waiting-room."