For example the Megatherium, which is now in the hands of the decorators, is being painted a pale pink outside, a colour which recent experiments have shown to exert a peculiarly humanising and tranquillising influence on persons of an irritable disposition. A sumptuous dormitory is being erected on the top floor, where slow music will be discoursed every afternoon, from three to seven, by a Czecho-Slovak orchestra. A roof-garden is being laid out for the recreation of the staff, and the velocity of the numerous lifts has been keyed up to concert pitch. Steam heat will be conveyed from the basement to radiators on every floor, and each room is being provided with a vacuum-cleaning apparatus, a wireless telephonic outfit and an American bar. The renovation of the library is practically complete, the obsolete books which cumbered its shelves having been replaced by the works of DELL, BARCLAY, WELLS, ZANE GREY and BENNETT. Three interesting rumours about the future of the Club may be given with due reserve--the first, that in the near future women will be admitted to membership; the second, that Lord Ascliffe has obtained a complete control of its resources; and the third, that its name will be shortly changed to "Alfred's," on the analogy of "Arthur's." * * * * * From Smith Minor's French Paper: "Translate 'La femme avait une chatte qui etait tres mechante.'--'The farmer was having a chat with thirteen merchants.'" * * * * * "Archbishop Mannix ... says he can go anywhere in England except to Liverpool, Manchester, Glasgow and possibly Fishguard."--_Daily Mirror._ Another injustice to Scotland. * * * * * "But this Bill creates new grounds for the dissolution of the marriage bond, which are unknown to the law of Scotland. Cruelty, incurable sanity, or habitual drunkenness are proposed as separate grounds of divorce."--_Scotch Paper._ And so many Scotsmen are incurably sane. * * * * * [Illustration: THE PROBLEM. POLAND (_to Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, organizer of the Human Chess Tournament_). "HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY THE GAME? I WAS LED TO BELIEVE I WAS TO BE A QUEEN, BUT I FIND I'M ONLY A PAWN."] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. [Illustration: GOING TO THE COUNTRY? "I think it would be a calamity if we did anything to prevent the economic use of charabancs."--_Sir ERIC GEDDES._ _First "Banc."_ Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, Mr. BONAR LAW, Mr. BALFOUR, Mr. CHAMBERLAIN, Mr. CHURCHILL. _Second "Banc."_ Sir E. GEDDES, Mr. SHORTT, Mr. LONG, Sir ROBERT HORNE, Col. AMERY. _Third "Banc."_ Mr. ILLINGWORTH, Lord E. TALBOT, Mr. FISHER, Dr. ADDISON, Sir GORDON HEWART. _Fourth "Banc."_ Mr. KELLAWAY, Sir M. BARLOW, Sir L. WORTHINGTON EVANS, Sir A.G. BOSCAWEN, Mr. TOWYN JONES. _Fifth "Banc."_ Sir HAMAR GREENWOOD, Mr. BALDWIN, Sir JAMES CRAIG, Mr. DENIS HENRY, Mr. NEAL.