So far as I could judge it was very good tea, but it would never do to accept the first sample offered; I must let the shopman see that he was up against one of the mandarins of the trade. So I said with severity, "Please don't show me any more common stuff; I want the best you have." The man looked at me curiously and I saw his face twitching; he was evidently about to speak. "Kindly refrain from expostulating," I went on; "content yourself with showing me your finest blend." He went away to the back of the shop, muttering; clearly he recognised defeat, for when he returned he carried a small chest. "Try this," said he, and I knew that he was boiling with baffled rage. I took a handful and once more went through the whole ceremony. It was nauseating, but the man was obviously impressed. At the conclusion of my performance I assumed a look of satisfaction. "Give me five pounds of that," said I with the air of a conqueror. Next time I met Rottenbury I told him of my success. "Oh, Jorkins put you up to the trick, did he?" "He did. He taught me to titillate, to triturate, to masticate, to deglute--everything." "And with what result?" "With the result that I have in my possession five pounds of the finest tea that the greatest experts have blended from the combined products of Assam and China." "Tea?" he asked. "Yes, tea of course. You didn't suppose that I was talking of oysters?" "Did I tell you Jorkins was a tea-taster?" "Yes." "Well, then, he's not. He's in tobacco." * * * * * "Alured," said my wife, "I wish you wouldn't buy things for the house. That tea is low-grade sweepings." * * * * * [Illustration: LE GRAND PENSEUR. (_With apologies to the late AUGUSTE RODIN._) ADVERTISING ENTHUSIAST ON HIS HOLIDAY SEEKING INSPIRATION FOR A NEW ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE UNDERGROUND RAILWAY.] * * * * * "Sir Otto Beit has returned to London from South Africa, where he turned the first sot of the new university."--_Daily Paper._ Turned him out, we trust. * * * * * "In a brilliant peroration the Prime Minister warned his hearers that a nation was known by its soul and not by its asses."--_South African Paper._ Yet some of our politicians seem to think that England is not past braying for. * * * * * "The doings (or rather sayings!) in the Legislature we are watching with sympathy and some impatience, much as a bachelor bears with the gambling of children who come to the drawing-room for an hour before dinner."--_Weekly Paper._ And the worst of it is that the Legislature is gambling with _our_ money. * * * * * "Miss ----, director of natural science studies at Newnham College, Oxford, will preside."--_Daily Paper._