Madame Bogolubov, Crystal-gazer in ordinary to the ex-King CONSTANTINE, is prepared for a small fee to advise intending explorers, prospectors or treasure-seekers as to suitable spots for excavation, oil-boring, etc. * * * Disused Martello Tower on the Irish coast, fifty miles from a police barrack, offered cheap as an appropriate basis of observation to psychic enthusiasts anxious to study the ways of leprechauns, banshees, etc. * * * Genuine portraits by VAN DYCK, VELASQUEZ and REMBRANDT must be sold immediately to pay a debt of honour. Price thirty shillings each, or would take part payment in pre-war whisky. * * * Semi-paralysed Yugo-Slav professor, speaking seventeen languages, will give lessons to neo-plutocrats in the correct pronunciation of the names of all the foreign singers, dancers and artists performing or exhibiting in London. * * * Persons interested in edible fungi may be glad to take shares in a fungus plantation about to be started in the neighbourhood of Toller Porcorum, Dorchester. * * * * * THE RETURN OF THE COLONEL. House, the enigmatic Colonel, WILSON'S right-hand man in France When the PRESIDENT was leading Peace's great Parisian dance, Once again returns to Europe as a journalist free-lance. He's a most sagacious person, indisposed to carp or grouse, So we hope he'll be successful, aided by his tact and _nous_, In upholding Mr. WILSON, _not_ in bringing down the House. * * * * * THE UBIQUITOUS SCOT. From _The Times'_ summary of news:-- "Our Constantinople correspondent, in a message reviewing the situation in Armenia, states that the Armenians have captured the ancient town of Nakhitchevan, where a Tartan Government had been set up." Small wonder that, people complain that no place is safe from Scotland's activities. Meanwhile there seems a likelihood of a Tarzan Government being set up in the film world. * * * * * From Mrs. ASQUITH'S reminiscences: "One day after this conversation he [the late Lord Salisbury] came to see me in Cavendish Square, bringing with him a signed photograph of himself. This was in the year 1904, at the height of the controversy over Protection."--_Sunday Times._ As Lord SALISBURY is generally supposed to have died in 1903, Sir ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE has been requested to investigate the incident. * * * * * THE EVIL THAT MEN DO. [Illustration: THE LAST MAN WAS IN AND WITH ONLY ONE RUN WANTED--] [Illustration: SMITH, OF ALL PEOPLE, DROPPED A CATCH.] [Illustration: HE STOLE AWAY--] [Illustration: BUT HIS SIN FOLLOWED HIM.] [Illustration: HE DECIDED--] [Illustration: TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY.] [Illustration: AFTER MANY YEARS HE RETURNED.] [Illustration: "GOOD HEAVENS, SMITH, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE YOU DROPPED THAT CATCH AT THE CIRCLE."]