There was an adored neo-Queen Who ruled the whole world on the screen; She simply knocked spots Off poor MARY OF SCOTS, But she doubled the gloom of our Dean. There was an advanced neo-Georgian, Or perhaps we should say Georgy-Porgian, When asked to declare What his principles were, He invariably answered, "Pro-Borgian." There was a great neo-Art critic Whose style was extremely mephitic; He treated VAN GOGH And CEZANNE as dead dog, And JOHN as a growth parasitic. * * * * * OUR BLOATED PLURALISTS. "Wanted, Organist. Small country church. Salary L20. Good lodgings. (Could be held with post of Milker on Manor Farm; permanent work; Sundays free; ample salary.)"--_Church Times._ * * * * * "The Grimsby trawler Silurian has towed Sir George Grahame, Minister Plenipotentiary in Paris, to be his Majesty's Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary to the King of the Belgians."--_Provincial Paper._ We really think the Government might have provided him with a torpedo-boat. * * * * * "The one thing which the Cabinet does not intend to do is to authorise the proclamation of marital law. It would engage far too many troops." --_Provincial Paper._ The Irish girls are _so_ attractive. * * * * * "A friend of mine bought from a bookseller who was also, oddly enough, a bibliophile himself, a copy of Arnold's very rare book, _The Strayed Revetter_, by A. He gave 6d. It is worth L5."--_Book Post._ Surely more than that! * * * * * "An Ipswichomnibus pushed its bonnet through the window of a millinery shop."--_Daily Paper._ This intelligent animal (believed to be the female of the Brontosaurus) was probably seeking a change of headgear. * * * * * [Illustration: _Tripper._ "I'VE A BLOOMIN' GOOD MIND TO REPORT YOU FOR PROFITEERING." _Old Salt._ "WHAT YER TALKIN' ABOUT?" _Tripper._ "WELL, THEM SHRIMPS I BOUGHT OFF YOU. ONE OF EM'S GOT ONLY ONE EYE."] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)