That is the chief function of the trombone--to pursue those who are wandering in the clouds and bring them to earth with a crash. * * * * * [Illustration: _Press Photographer_ (_to perfect stranger while arranging group on departure of popular personage_). "HOLD YOUR HAT UP AND CHEER."] * * * * * =The Triumphs of Art.= "WOMAN SCULPTOR IN THE KREMLIN. BOLSHEVIST BUSTS." _"Times" headlines._ * * * * * "Rhodes bowled Ryder for a duck, and off his very next ball he got Moyes smartly stumped by Dolphin at point." _Irish Paper._ DOLPHIN must have acquired "the long arm of coincidence." * * * * * "LETTS CLASH WITH POLES." _Japan Gazette._ No, don't let's. * * * * * "Autumn made a lightning spring into winter yesterday."--_Daily Paper._ England's seasons seem to be getting hopelessly intermingled. * * * * * "---- Htl.--S. asp. Magnificently equipped."--_Daily Paper._ Patronized by the late QUEEN CLEOPATRA. * * * * * "TO LET, Furnished Bedroom, beard optional, terms moderate."--_Local Paper._ Would suit almost any young shaver. * * * * * "A telephone call office has been opened at Mumps Post Office."--_Official notice._ SUBSCRIBER.--Can you give me Mumps? OPERATOR.--No, but I have got a bad cold if that is any use to you. * * * * * [Illustration: "WELL, AND WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE AGAIN?" "FORCE OF 'ABIT."] * * * * * MY WEATHER-GUIDE. I was admiring Cripstock's barometer. "Take it," he said. "My dear Cripstock!" I exclaimed, as I pulled it from the wall. "My dear fellow!" he replied, in tones more of gratitude than of generosity. I have fastened it in my hall at the regulation distance from the hat-rack and between the assegais. It will be nice company for the dinner-gong, which it faces. I purposely did not place them side by side, for fear of any error in tapping. These delicate contrivances do not readily settle down in a new home, and for a week I ignored the barometer. This may have seemed unfriendly to a newcomer, yet surely it was kind not to observe any faults it might display during its novitiate. When on the Saturday morning I scrutinised it for the first time I saw it pointed to "Stormy." I hastened over breakfast in order to get into the garden in time to fix up the starboard fence. After working feverishly for three hours, glancing at the sky at frequent intervals, I heard the "All clear" signalled from a back window, the needle having swung round to "Set Fair."