Should this bathing-suit fail to save any person from drowning he can call at the office and have his money back. * * * We are asked to deny the rumour said to be current in Manchester to the effect that the PRIME MINISTER was contemplating publishing a Northern edition of his New World. * * * "To be happy, marry a brown-eyed girl," says _The Daily Graphic_. A correspondent writes to say that he invariably does. * * * "My lodger," said a complainant at Clerkenwell Police Court, "threatens to tear me up into pieces." It was pointed out to him that this would be a breach of the law. * * * During a duel on the cliffs near Boulogne one of the combatants deliberately fired his revolver into the sea, whereupon the other immediately fired into the air. There seems to be no end to the dangers which beset submarine-sailors and airmen. * * * A few days ago an angler at Southend-on-Sea fished up a silver chain purse containing four one-pound notes. His claim that a large leather wallet containing several fivers and a diamond ring broke the line and got away after a terrific struggle is being received with the usual caution. * * * The many critics of the POSTMASTER-GENERAL should remember that telephones are all right if people would only let them alone. * * * Our heart goes out to the veteran philosopher who, when caught climbing apple-trees in a farmer's orchard, pleaded that he had been tampering with a thyroid gland. * * * Five million typhoid germs, the property of Mr. JOHN GIBBON, are said to be at large in Philadelphia, according to _The Daily Express_. One of them is said to have got away disguised as a measle. * * * According to _The Daily Mail_ a panic was recently caused in a Manchester tea-room by a rat which took refuge in the leg of a gentleman's trousers. This may not mean that the need of a new style of rat-proof trouser has attracted the interest of Carmelite House publicity agents, but we have our apprehensions. * * * "Hard work will kill no one," declares a literary editor. Most people, of course, prefer an occupation with a spice of danger about it. * * * * * [Illustration: _Son._ "MUVVER, TELL ME 'OW FARVER GOT TER KNOW YER." _Mother._ "ONE DYE I FELL INTO THE WATER AN' 'E JUMPED IN AN' FISHED ME AHT." _Son_ (_thoughtfully_). "H'M, THET'S FUNNY; 'E WON'T LET ME LEARN TER SWIM."] * * * * * "Madame ----, Dressmaker, Milliner, and Ladies' making paths, tree lifting; planting; would suit nursery."--_Provincial Paper._ But would she do plain sowing? * * * * * =THE STANDARD GOLF-BALL.= I do not want a standard ball, So many to the pound; Whether its girth is trim and svelte Or built to take an out-size belt, I hardly seem to care at all So long as it is round.