Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 159, December 15, 1920Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 159, December 15, 1920
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
Especially when you consider how much trouble they take to avoid
attracting attention. There are still one or two window-dressers
who lower the whole tone of the street by adhering to the
gaudy-overcrowded style; but the majority, in a violent reaction
from that, seem to have rushed to the wildest extremes of the
simple-unobtrusive. They are delightful, I think, those reverent
little windows with the chaste curtains and floors of polished walnut,
in the middle of which reposes delicately a single toque, a single
chocolate or a single pearl. Some of the picture-places are among
the most modest. There is one window which suggests nothing but the
obscure branch of a highly-decayed bank in the dimmest cathedral town.
On the dingy screen which entirely fills the window is written simply
in letters which time has almost erased, "---- ---- PICTURES." Nothing
could be less enticing. Yet inside, I daresay, fortunes are made
daily. I noticed no trace of this method at the Advertisers'
Exhibition; they might give it a trial.
Now no doubt you fondly think that Bond Street is wholly devoted to
luxuries; perhaps you have abandoned your dream of actually buying
something in Bond Street? You are wrong. To begin with, there are
about ten places where you can buy food, and, though there is no pub.
now, there is a café (with a licence). There are two grocers and a
poulterer. There is even a fish-shop--you didn't know that, did you? I
am bound to say it seemed to have only the very largest fish, but they
were obviously fish.
Anyone can go shopping in Bond Street. I knew a clergyman once who
went in and asked for a back-stud. He was afterwards unfrocked for
riotous living, but the stud was produced. You can buy a cauliflower
in Bond Street--if you know the ropes. There is a shop which merely
looks like a very beautiful florist's. There are potatoes in the
window, it is true, but they are "hot-house" ones; inside there is
no trace of a common vegetable. But if you ask facetiously for a
cauliflower (as I did) the young lady will disappear below ground and
actually return with a real cauliflower (_de luxe_, of course). I
remember few more embarrassing episodes.
And if you like to inquire at the magnificent provision-merchant's he
too will conjure up from the magic cellars boot-cream and metal-polish
and all those vulgar groceries which make life possible. That is the
secret of Bond Street. Beneath that glittering display of luxurious
trivialities there are vast reserves of solid prosaic necessaries,
only waiting to be asked for. A man could live exclusively on Bond
Street. I don't know where you would buy your butchers' meat, but I
have a proud fancy that, if you went in and said something to one of
those sleek and sorrowful jewellers, he too would vanish underground
and blandly return to you with a jewelled steak or a plush chop.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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