The lobster is an oblong crab With one or two antennæ; I fancy life would be less drab If people had as many. I think he uses them to smell, But what he most enjoys Is rubbing them against his shell; It makes a funny noise. He rubs away like anything, And you should see his face! Alas, he thinks that he can sing; But that is not the case. He's very sensitive and shy; At last when he is dead _He knows the truth_--and that is why He goes so very red. A. P. H. * * * * * "Your System appealed to me as a rational means of exercise without undue fatigue, and I started on the 10th of March, 1920. I was then in my 75th year, and now within only two months of completing the 85th." _Advt. in Sunday Paper_. If he keeps it up he should be a centenarian by about the end of next year. One seems to age rather rapidly under this system. * * * * * THE OTHER HALF. I was sitting by Anderson's fire the other day when his telephone bell rang. He made the usual insincere exclamation of disgust--as insincere as the horror we simulate when a bundle of letters is brought into the room, to have letters and to be called up on the telephone being really adventures and therefore welcome; and he then crossed the room to answer the call. "Shall I go?" I asked, thinking that he might prefer to be alone. "Oh, no," he said, and I remained. I was not trying to overhear, but it couldn't be helped. This is the conversation (his half) that I heard:-- "Yes." "Speaking. Who is it?" "Oh, I'm so glad! I was getting horribly nervous. How is he?" "Good Heavens! I was afraid he might be. What do you think?" "Of course I must trust you. But we must never let my wife know." "I'll think about it and let you know." "Quite likely. I'll go into that and let you know. She can't be absolutely alone anyway. There must be another some time." "And what do you propose to do now?" "You're sure it will be painless?" "I wouldn't have him suffer for anything." "Thank you very much. I shall tell my wife he died in his sleep. Good-bye." What, I wonder, would you have made of that? Some telephone conversations are easy to construct, but this to me was a puzzle. What had Anderson been up to? It must be an awful moment, I have often thought as I read divorce and other cases, when a friend is suddenly turned into a witness; and I had the feeling that that might be my lot now. Those clever cross-examining devils, they can get anything out of you. If Anderson had known who was ringing him up he would probably (so I reasoned) have got me out of the room; but, having once started, he decided to brazen it out as the less suspicious way. As so often happens, however, I was wrong. This is the whole innocent conversation:-- "Is that 1260?" "Yes." "Is Mr. Anderson there?" "Speaking. Who is it?" "Harding, the veterinary surgeon."