A West Norwood man who described himself as a poet told the magistrate that he had twice been knocked down by a motor-cyclist. Our opinion is that he should have given up poetry when he was knocked down the first time. * * * Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL cannot be in two places at once, says _The Bristol Evening News_. All the same it is a dangerous thing to put him on his mettle like that. * * * Many people remain oblivious of the approach of Christmas until the appearance of mistletoe at Covent Garden. We don't wait for that; we go by the appearance in _The Daily Mail_ of a letter announcing the discovery of primroses in Thanet. * * * Measures to arrest the subsidence of the dome of St. Paul's Cathedral have again become imperative. The cause assigned is the depressing effect of the DEAN. * * * Of several hats caught up in a recent whirlwind it was observed that the one with the largest circulation was a "Sandringham." * * * A judge has decided that it is _ultra vires_ for a municipal body to run a public laundry. Apparently this is to remain a monopoly of the Royal Courts of Justice. * * * "The telephone," we are told, "was cradled in a dead man's ear." As far as we can ascertain the other end of ours is still there. * * * Seventy is suggested by the London County Council as the age limit at which coroners should retire. Complete justice cannot be done as long as there is anything in the shape of identity of interest between the coroner and the corpse. * * * "The natural position of the eyeballs in sleep," says a correspondent of _The Daily Mail_, "is turned upwards." The practice of leaving them standing in a tumbler of water all night should be particularly avoided by light sleepers. * * * We are asked to deny the rumour that the POET LAUREATE is entitled to draw the unemployment donation. * * * * * [Illustration: THE POKER-PLAYER'S SECRET MAKE-UP OUTFIT. _Disguises your elation when you hold a fat hand_. Only five-and-sixpence post free in plain wrapper. Will pay for itself many times over.] * * * * * Theatre-Fashions in Malta. "The House was full to its utmost capacity, the elegant night dresses and toilettes of the ladies presenting a fine aspect."--_Malta Paper_. * * * * * "Ye Olde ---- Hotel. Hot and Cold Sheets." _Daily Paper_. Produced, we assume, by a water-bottle (h. and c.). * * * * * "THE DRY CHAMPAIGN IN SCOTLAND. POLLING IN EDINBURGH." _Provincial Paper_. Judging by the results, the Scots seem still to prefer the local vintage. * * * * * There was a young high-brow of Sutton Who lived on hot air and cold mutton; He knew not of GROCK, But he idolized BROCK (I don't mean the sculptor, but CLUTTON). * * * * *