We have only space in this brief preliminary notice to remark that the programme includes a humorous extravaganza entitled _The Quirks of Quilliam_, in which a grotesque _pas de quatre_ for the _Deemster_, the _Doomster_, the _Boomster_ and the _Scrabster_, forms the central episode; and ends with a satiric sketch, _The Golden Calf of Man_, apparently aimed at the extravagance of Lancashire trippers, who are pursued by demons into Sulby Glen, and released, to the sound of sea-trumpets, by the beneficent intervention of _Lord Greeba_ on their promising to evacuate the island. * * * * * GOLFING "IFS." If you bring your own lunch And frugally munch Your sandwich and cake For economy's sake; If you strictly abstain From sloe-gin and champagne, Never touching a drop Save perhaps ginger-pop; If you're clever enough To keep out of the rough, If you don't slice or hook Into pond, dyke or brook Your new three-shilling ball, And, best saving of all, If you carry your clubs, You can pay heavy "subs.," Fees for entrance and greens, Without straining your means, And, though you're a middle- Class man, not a peer, Agree with LORD RIDDELL That golf isn't dear. * * * * * [Illustration: _Cheery Sportsman._ "HAD SIX FALLS IN TWO DAYS, HAVE YOU? WELL, CHEER UP. YOUR LUCK'S BOUND TO CHANGE SOON. THESE THINGS ALWAYS COME IN CYCLES." _Rough Rider._ "MINE SEEM TO COME IN MOTOR LORRIES."] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)